Title: Crosses of Sand Author: Erin M. Blair E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net Classification: VRA--Vignette, Romance, Angst Content: Mulder/Scully Romance. Scully POV. Spoiler: Emily. Rating: PG Archive: OK to archive at: Gossamer, Xemplary, and EMXC. Others: ask me first. Please forward to ATXC. Disclaimer: The characters of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully doesn't belong to me. Fox Mulder belongs to David Duchovny, and Dana Scully belongs to Gillian Anderson. They also belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and the FOX network. Author's Note: This vignette is quite a departure from me because I tend to write about Scully and Mulder's miracle babies and such like. This vignette is set after the episode "Emily" and it deals with Scully's infertility. Feedback: Oh yes! I'd love to know what you thought of this story. Summary: Scully deals with the issue of her infertility after Emily's death. -------------------------------------- CROSSES OF SAND Written by: Erin M. Blair -------------------------------------- Ever since Emily's death, I've been having nightmares. They're always the same: I'm walking at a lonely beach at night. I look down to see my cross necklace laying there on the ground. Then I disappear into the sand. I don't need a psychologist to tell me what this means. That's why I haven't told Mulder about the nightmares. I think that he already knows what this means, as I do. I'm infertile. The sand represents the fact that I'm barren. They stole my ova when I was taken. Unfortunately, my long term dream to have children has vanished. It's no longer possible for me to bring forth my own flesh and blood out of my own body. Once, I dreamt that I would marry Mulder and raise children with him. When they abducted me and stole my ova, they took the dream away from me. The dream to have children is gone, but I count all the things that I still have. I still have Mulder. I still have myself, even though I'm barren. I'm destined to forever be a woman with no ova. No hope for children. Not in this lifetime. I keep thinking of the other Emilies out there from *my* ova. Will I encounter them? How will I cope knowing that I haven't gave them life? Will they die like Emily? I hope that I don't have to answer these questions, but I do remember what I told Mulder. My words to Mulder were: "You're right. Emily was a miracle that never meant to be." Emily was my daughter, but how I wish things were different for us! I wish that she was borne out of my own body and not some Anna Fugazzi. I wish that she was Mulder's daughter as well as my own. I wish that we'd raise her. She would have been ours if they hadn't taken me against my will. I know that I should be grateful that I'm alive, but how come I feel that I've been dead since 1994? End of Vignette