Title: Gone Author: Erin M. Blair E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net Classification: SRA--Story, Romance, Angst. Content: Mulder/Scully Romance. Mulder POV. Time Span/Spoilers: Two Fathers/One Son. Rating: PG Distribution/Archive Statement: OK to Gossamer, After the Fact, Ephemeral, Spookys, and MSR Cheerleaders Archive. Other archivists - please ask me first. Date: First draft was written on: July 18, 2003. Written and edited during the past several months. Final draft: October, 30, 2003. Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter. Acknowledgement: Thanks to Jen for beta reading my story. Summary: How come Scully's gone from Mulder's life? Will she ever return to him? ------------------------------------ GONE Written by: Erin M. Blair ------------------------------------ There was a time when I thought Scully would always be with me forever. I thought she was my anchor in a troubled world. Unfortunately, the day that I thought would never happen *did* happen. The day when Scully left me and the X-Files came completely out of the blue. Never to come back. Never being beside me. Never to listen to my theories. It was hard to believe how only a day went by and then Scully was gone for good. I pretty much drove her away from me. I'm pretty much to blame for her leaving the X-Files. And me. I can't believe Scully left the X-Files - it's hard to believe she left after seeing Diana Fowley kiss me. She said, "I can't be with you when you don't trust me anymore." I know she's hurt. I saw her face flush with pain as she directed those words to me. I know how she thinks that I destroyed the trust between us. I understand how angry she was, mad even, at me. "Mulder," I tell myself, "Don't go there." Unfortunately for me, I still go there. I still want her to be with me and as my partner on the X-Files. I strongly question my actions surrounding her leaving. I wish I could take it all back. I want to take back all of the accusations that I threw at her at the Lone Gunman office. I went too far. I wish I could go back through time and reconsider my actions surrounding Diana and Scully. * * * I remember the day she left me. It was shortly after our discussion about Diana in the Lone Gunman's office. "Mulder," Scully said to me as we just got back from meeting with Skinner and Kersh about the X-Files with Jeffrey Spender. "This time, I'm not sure if I can go on..." "What happens to "If I quit now, they win," Scully?" I could never get over Scully's sorrowful expression on her face. The dead look in her blue eyes spoke volumes to me. All I wanted to do was to try to show Scully how much I felt for her, but she didn't want any of that. I could hear her sigh. She looked like as though her heart was breaking with the loss of me. "I feel that we've lost our trust in each other, Mulder. I trusted you with my life but now--things have changed." Scully didn't want to say anything else to me and I noticed her mood was reflective through the entire day. What things had changed? We got the X-Files back and still Scully wasn't happy. I wondered why. I needed to know why she thought things had changed. "What has changed between us, Scully?" "We lost the trust, Mulder. You don't trust me anymore. You'd rather have Diana as your partner." "Scully, you're wrong," I said to her. I wanted her so much. I just wished she knew how much I needed her. "You mean the world to me. I would die if anything ever happens to you. I trust you more than I ever trust anyone else." "Does that include Diana?" Scully asked. I didn't know what to say to that. All I wanted was for Scully to know that I trusted her. "I trust you, Scully." Scully left the next day for parts unknown to me. She didn't even tell me goodbye. * * * When Scully left me and the X-Files, I didn't have the heart to go on cases. My spirits were too low, and I took my vacation days to go to Martha's Vineyard. I still had a family home there, and I just wanted to get away. I had to come to realize that Scully was gone for good. She was never coming back to me. When I made that realization, my cell phone rang. It was buzzing in my jacket and I answered it. "Mulder," I said dully. "Mulder, I need you to return to DC as soon as you can," said Skinner. "Is this a new case? I told you --" "I want you to come back to DC. I have this new case about a murder in California that needs to be investigated. You're the best profiler that I know..." I really didn't want to go on any investigations until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life without Scully. "Is this an X-File?" "Yes, this is an X-File. You are going to be undercover as a married man in Arcadia, California." I groaned. I didn't care if it was an X-File. It was the last thing that I needed. "I'm not sure about this..." "I can guarantee you this would be good for you." "I guess I'll do it." As long as I didn't think about Scully, I would be OK. * * * I caught the red eye to DC. It had been two days since I got back, and it had been over a week since Scully left. I knew Skinner wanted me to do that undercover assignment as a part of a married couple. I could have asked Diana Fowley to help me, but if Scully lived in the same town, then I would rather not risk it. I called Skinner on the cell phone. "Who is my new partner? Is it Diana Fowley? Or some unknown FBI agent that I haven't even met yet?" "You'll see when you come in. You're going to be surprised," said Skinner. "Is this about Scully? I doubt she'll be my partner again." Skinner said again, "You'll see, Mulder." I went to Skinner's office and I sat down in the waiting room, waiting for Kimberly to acknowledge me. I had no idea what to expect, only to have a new partner again. I really didn't want a new partner because I remembered what a disaster Krycek turned out to be. "Agent Mulder, you can come in," said Kimberly. She peered through the door to Skinner's office. "Thanks, Kim." I replied to her as she held the door, directing me to Skinner's office. I walked into Skinner's spacious office and went to my regular seat on the right, not wanting to notice the empty seat next to me. "Skinner, I understand you wanted to talk to me?" I could see Skinner nod with concern for me. "How are you, Mulder? I know it's been a week since Scully left." "I'm fine, Skinner." "Are you sure?" questioned Skinner. "I have been worried about you, Mulder." "Sir, I'm fine. What's this case about? Who is going to replace Scully?" "You're not getting a new partner. Your partner wants to come back to be on the X-Files," said Skinner. I turned to face Scully, who walked in to sit down at her regular seat, and my face flushed with shock. * * * I got up from my seat and walked towards Scully. I couldn't believe Scully was standing there in Skinner's office. I directed my 'Scully, what are you doing here? I thought you were gone for good!' at Scully. I couldn't believe my wish for her to come back was granted. "I needed some time to think, Mulder. It was hard to grasp my feelings about everything. I was so scared of losing you to Diana that I couldn't think straight," said Scully. "I know you trust me, Mulder. I am sorry for what pain I've caused you." "I'm so glad you're back; what made you change your mind?" Scully gave me a rueful sigh. "I felt like a fool, Mulder. I'm jealous of Diana Fowley. She shared a part of you that I never had. She calls you by your first name and you never let me call you Fox. I have to admit it bothers me." She left me because she was jealous of Diana Fowley. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I wonder why, being the profiler that I am, I couldn't see this coming. "Scully, how come you never told me this?" "I tried, but you just kept on telling me the virtues of Diana Fowley. I just felt that you loved her, not me." I wanted to hold her but wasn't sure if I should even dare. However, I needed to tell her how I felt towards her. Scully deserved to know how much I love her. I wanted Scully in my life and I was afraid that she would leave me. "Scully, do you know how much I trust you? I trust you more than Diana Fowley. Sure, she helped me with the X-Files but we accomplished more than the time I was with her. You've got to believe me. Your science and rationalism have saved me a thousand times. You've kept me honest and sane. You have grounded me and made me feel like a whole person," I said. "I was insecure, Mulder. More than anything, I want to be your partner in every sense of the word. If you'll have me, that is," replied Scully. I couldn't believe Scully was here with me. I wrapped my arms around her waist for a hug. Then I watched her tiptoe to plant a kiss on my forehead. Then my eyes gazed into her blue eyes. The heat between us was intensified. I wanted more than anything to kiss her. "Scully...Let's go in our office. I don't want anyone to see us kissing. Know what I mean?" Scully nodded and she agreed with me. "That's a good idea." Scully and I walked down to our basement office where we started to kiss again. My mouth met hers; her lips were warm to the touch. I couldn't believe that I was finally kissing Scully on the lips. Sure, I tried to kiss her in the hallway at my apartment months ago but this was the first time we completed a full mouth kiss. I just wish we had kissed in the very beginning; our lives would have changed if we had decided to become more than just partners. Unfortunately, I was afraid that she would rebuff my efforts. When we finally came up for some air, I was still close enough to Scully's body to hear her heart beating. "Are you happy that we kissed, Scully?" She nodded. I could tell from her blue eyes that she was shedding happy tears. "Mulder, you don't know how long I've waited for this to happen. I wanted you to know how much I love you but I was afraid to tell you. I was so scared that you might tell me you didn't love me or wanted to remain partners..." I knew exactly how she felt, but I was afraid she might rebuff me! "I was so scared that you might turn me down. I always told you how much I love you, but you told me that I was crazy or something." Scully's eyes narrowed. I think she was remembering our conversation from a few months back. "Mulder, you were so drugged that I thought you'd forget you ever said that. That's why I didn't take you seriously." "I understand, Scully. I let you off the hook for that. I do know that it wasn't a good time to tell you. I should have tell you much earlier than that. The truth is, Scully, I'm glad you're not gone. When you left me, my whole reason for being didn't exhist without you. You mean so much to me, Scully. You always will." I smiled gently at Scully. I feel so alive now that Scully's here. She's not gone. I shouldn't have said 'never to come back' as I should always believed she might return to me. She's right here, loving me fully and unconditionally. Her blue eyes gaze up at me and I could feel her close to me. She knows the truth of how I feel about her. I will never lose her again. I know that now. End of Story. Feedback: I love to hear from my readers. Please send your comments and questions to: eblair@sonic.net Author's Notes: I have truly enjoyed writing this story. This was another story coming from me wondering why the relationship between Mulder and Scully seemed so off in the episode, "One Son." It bothered me so much that I have written so many fics on that one epsode alone! :) It just amazes me how one episode could equate so many stories. I would like to thank my beta reader, Jen, who was an enormous help for me. :)