TITLE: Never Again Aftermath
AUTHOR: Erin Blair
E-MAIL: eblair@sonic.net / erinmblair@gmail.com
FEEDBACK: Yes, please.
DISTRIBUTION: OK to Gossamer, Ephemeral, MSR
Fanfic Cheerleaders Archive. 
RATING: PG
CATEGORIES: SRA - Story, Romance, Angst.
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully Romance
SPOILERS: Never Again
DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter.
SUMMARY: Mulder finally tells Scully the truth about
his feelings following the last scene in "Never Again."
DEDICATION: Devin, I want to thank you for truly being a 
wonderful friend and beta reader. I want to thank my 
beta readers, Jen and MFLuder, for looking over this
story. 
NOTES: This is a MSRPreservationSociety's Secret 
Santa giftfic for Devin. She wanted Mulder jealousy or
a possesive Scully with angst, but with a happy ending. I 
hope that I succeeded. :)

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + +

"But it's my..."

Mulder struggled to tell Scully the truth the morning after 
she came back from her stint at the hospital. He slowly 
gathered enough courage to tell her that he loved her. When 
he learned that she was with Ed Jerse, it tore his soul and 
his heart to pieces. 

His mind kept replaying in slow motion of the imagined 
scene of another man kissing Scully and then, having her 
all to himself in his own dreamscape. The imagined scene 
taunted him. He wished it would stop torturing his psyche. 
His imagination was running wild with the scene until 
questions started to pop up - did she sleep with him?

And that tattoo? 

He knew Scully had removed it. That was evident when she 
told him in the hospital, but he wondered what it had been 
like. When he closed his eyes briefly, he imagined the 
erotic fervor of Scully shouting, "Oh my God!" when it was 
imprinted on her lower back. 

The lower back, he reflected. That was the same place where 
he lovingly guided and whenever he wanted to feel her. 

Did Ed kiss those lips of hers? 

I need to stop thinking about this, Mulder thought to 
himself, she's free to be with anyone she desired. After 
all, he didn't have a claim on her heart

He simply wanted her to realize that she loved him, too. He 
wanted her to choose him, but how was she going to realize 
it for herself? He didn't know. Instead, he looked down at 
another case that could take them out of town.  

*  *  *

Scully looked at Mulder staring down at the file. She had 
wondered what stopped him from continuing his sentence. 
What was he going to going to say to her? 

She reflected on the events that led up to this moment. To 
her, life was like an everlasting cycle. Paternalistic 
figures dominated her life, but she never viewed Mulder 
this way. Although he exasperated her, she knew that he 
always treated her as an equal. However, never for one 
moment she wanted to leave Mulder. 

Most of all, she loved him.

She had some guesses: But it's my life, too. But it's the 
way I feel for you, Scully. But it's you who I love. But 
it's our life - together. 

She moaned softly. There were so many possibilities that 
she couldn't quite narrow it down just to one. She needed 
to know. She had to know what he was going to tell her. 

It was time for her to end the silence. "Mulder?" She 
paused, noting he wasn't looking up. "Mulder!"

Mulder finally looked up and mumbled, "Sorry, I was just 
thinking."

"Oh?" Then it dawned on her. She knew he had questions 
about her time with Ed. "Mulder, I know what you're 
thinking."
 
"You do?"

Scully nodded. "Nothing happened between Ed Jerse and me."

Mulder inquired. "Nothing?"

Scully nodded again. "I repeat again; nothing happened 
between Ed Jerse and me. I slept in his bed and he slept on 
the couch. I know you read the police report about the 
incidence, Mulder. He did lend me his shirt because I had 
some blood on my top." She paused, looking up at him. "From 
the tattoo. You certainly acted territorial about me... In 
fact, you always have since we first met."

* * *

Mulder knew Scully didn't understand the depths of his 
feelings for her. She was right. He'd always been 
territorial and possessive of her. It had a simple reason, 
really. He loved her deeply. He theorized that he started 
having feelings for her probably from the moment she 
entered his life. 

He just didn't know how to tell her. 

He took a deep breath and decided that he had enough 
courage to tell her the truth. "Scully, I know you think 
what happened in Philadelphia has everything to do with 
you, but if I hadn't acted this way to you... you know, been 
like a total ass."

"Mulder, you're not a total ass."

Mulder wasn't expecting that comment from Scully. His 
expression had a mixture of shock and surprise. Nothing in 
between. "I'm not?"

"No."

"Do you really want to know why I didn't sleep with him?"

He slowly nodded.

"Mulder, he wasn't you," she said. She reached out to hold 
his hand, caressing his fingers with hers. "I realized that 
I needed you, not him, to make me whole."

"If I hadn't been this way, you would never have gone."

"You gave me a case."

"I know."

"Don't berate yourself over this. What's done is done. I 
may have been angry with you. It's my life, Mulder. It was 
my decision. I just wanted to rebel, to break free from 
what I felt my life has been like ever since I was a 
child."

"Which is?"

"My life was going in a circular motion, but it's not now." 

"I still feel responsible, Scully."

"How?"

"If I didn't treat you like I didn't value you enough, you 
wouldn't have gone."

"You're not making any sense, Mulder."

"I'm not?"

"No."

"I know I haven't obtained a desk for you, Scully."

"Mulder..."

"I do value you, Scully. I know I sometimes act like a 
complete jerk, but you're the constant, my touchstone. And 
yes, my soulmate." He paused, looking at her reaction. 
"Don't look so shocked, Scully. That's how I feel about 
you."

Scully stammered. "I don't... know what to say." She gave him 
a tentative smile. "I care so much about you, Mulder. Ever 
since my abduction, I've known how much you love me. My 
mother told me how you kept my necklace to give to me after 
I returned. She told me how lost you looked without me, 
describing your eyes as if the light had gone out in them. 
After she told me, I was so moved by everything you'd done 
to get me back. You never gave up on me when everyone 
thought I wasn't going to make it. When you talked to me in 
the hospital, I heard you." She paused. "I know you love 
me. We may not address it every time, but I know you do." 
She paused. "What were you going to say?"

Mulder smiled. "But I love you, Scully."

~~
The End