Title: Faith in Love
Author: Erin M. Blair
E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net
Classification:  SRA--Story, Romance, Angst.
Content:  Mulder/Scully Romance. Mulder POV.
Time Span/Spoilers:  Duane Barry, Ascension, One 
Breath.
Rating: PG.
Distribution/Archive Statement: OK to Gossamer, Ephemeral,
After the Fact, The Cutting Room Archive. All others: please 
ask me first.
Disclaimer: They're not mine. Darn. :)
Summary: Mulder seeks solace after Scully's abduction. 

*Written for After the Fact's Duane Barry post ep challenge.*

------------------------------------
FAITH IN LOVE
Written by: Erin M. Blair
------------------------------------

I never believed in a loving God until Scully 
was returned to me. Her recovery was a 
miracle. Every person that I came in contact
with believed she wasn't going to come out of 
her coma, was convinced that she would die. 

I never believed she was going to die. 

God sent her back to me, to live and for us to
grow old together. He helped me to keep
the faith when everyone seemed to be giving
up on her. Her faith has also kept me sane these
past few months. 

I know that now. 

Scully and I always seemed to have a strong bond
which has never failed us before. We have a strong 
faith in our love for each other.

I know the truth now: we can have a future 
together, that we've always wanted, deep down. 

***

When she was missing, I went to the church
she rarely attended. She stopped going to St. 
John's Catholic Church a long time ago. It's 
located in Alexandria where I live. As I sat in 
one of the pews, I knew that I looked like I was 
crying...crying for her.

"Do you mind if I sit down?"

I nodded. "No, but I feel so lost. So lost without her."

"I'm Father McCue. Are you Fox Mulder?"

I nodded again. "Yes, I am."

"I'm Dana's family friend as well as their priest. I know
that she spoke very highly of you."

"I just feel so lost inside without her," I said. 

"Do you believe in miracles, Agent Mulder?"

"Not really," I said.  I quickly added, "Sometimes."

"It's important to have faith, Mulder."

"It's hard...I really want to have faith. I have always
been an agnostic."

"You're wearing her cross," said Father McCue, who
noticed that I was wearing Scully's gold crucifix next to
my skin.

"I'm keeping it for her until she comes back," I
told him. "I want to feel her faith in us."

"You sound as though you love her a lot," observed Father
McCue. "Dana has told me as much, in my capacity 
as a family friend."

"She did?"

Father McCue nodded. "I told her it's important 
to have faith in love too."

"I never thought of it that way." 

"If you can find faith in something, Mulder, it will
help you to find the strength to keep believing."

I looked at him with fresh hope in my hazel 
eyes. I wanted to believe him so much. I desparately 
needed the faith to keep on looking for her. It's 
been so hard to continue to be positive when 
the people closest to her seemed to give up 
on her. "That she'll come back?"

The elderly priest nodded sagely. "Yes, that's 
what I'm trying to say. I know her family has 
given up hope that Dana would return to 
them. However, I know she would never give 
up hope in you."

"No, she wouldn't," I replied. "It's been so hard,
Father. It's been so hard to keep on believing."

"Mulder, I understand the pain you must be going
through. It's a dreadfully hard time for everyone 
in her family. Although I do know what Dana 
would say to you if she was here."

"What?"

"To have strength in your beliefs."

I stood up. "Thank you, Father."

"You're welcome, Mulder."

"Father, I hope you're right about Dana."

"Dana loves you in her own way, Mulder," said 
Father McCue. "She's spoken highly and fondly
of you." He paused. "Always have faith in love. It's 
going to help you through this difficult time."

I left the church at that point, because I wanted 
to think about what he'd said. I know he's right. I should
continue to believe that Scully would eventually return 
to me.

I have to believe that now. 

***
As I was sleeping on my couch, I heard Mrs.
Scully's voice telling me that Scully had just woken up. A
bright smile lifted my features; my darkness finally
vanishing into the unknown. Now I feel I can truly live again,
to know that Scully's breathing the same air as I am. 

I arrived at the hospital to find her mother and her older
sister, Melissa, in the room with Scully. I was so 
happy to see her alive.  I could feel the darkness being
lifted from me and I looked into Scully's life affirming 
blue eyes. 

"How are you feeling?"

Her voice was the first one to break the comfortable
silence. "Mulder, I don't remember anything after
Duane Barry."

I told her the truth. "Doesn't matter right now. You're back with
us, and you will get better. " I paused as I handed her a 
gift. "I bought you a present. 'Superstars of the Super Bowl."

That put a smile on her face. "I knew there was
a reason to live."

I knew I should go. I told her how much she needed her
rest, and how I wanted to see her. However, she 
called me back. My feet moved towards her bed.

"Mulder," Scully called out. 

I turned around to face her. "What?"

"I had the strength of your beliefs," said Scully. 

I remembered that I needed to give her cross back, and I
pulled it from my pocket. Our fingers brushed lightIy as 
I handed it to her. "I've been...saving this for you."

Scully gave me a smile. "Thanks."

***

After her mother and sister left, I found myself back
at Scully's side. Her gold crucifix necklace 
stood out against her skin, shining like a 
beacon of hope. 

"Back so soon?" asked Scully teasingly. 

I nodded. "I wanted us to have a proper reunion,
Scully." 

"Mom and Melissa filled me in on how you dealt
with my abduction, Mulder. I can only imagine...
what it would been like if our positions were 
reversed." She closed her eyes briefly at a pain
creasing her brow with that thought, and then
opened them again to focus on me. "Don't blame
yourself for what happened to me. Please."

I took her hand and our eyes locked on each 
other's. I smiled despite the feelings of doubt 
that skittered through me. 

"I try not to blame myself. If I'd been at my
apartment...to actually listen to your call..." I let
my voice trail off, unable to voice the thought that
kept plaguing me in my sleep, every waking hour. 

"You thought you could have prevented my 
abduction, Mulder?"

I nodded. "I wanted to save you from 
this. I would do anything for you, to keep you
safe, even offering myself instead of you."

"Stop blaming yourself, Mulder. Nothing would
have prevented Duane Barry from abducting me.
Mulder, you were the one that I was holding onto
for strength. What brought me back was you. I 
could feel you. You're my touchstone. It 
was always your strength that I clung onto -- what 
kept me going when all hope seemed lost." 

"You're my touchstone, Scully. I had great faith
in your love and your beliefs. I could feel you in
my heart. When hope was lost, I knew you were
still there. I knew you would come back to me."

"And I'm glad that I did, Mulder."

Somehow, I knew we have time in the world
for each other now. God has brought her back so 
I can finally have the faith to love her fully, completely. She 
has saved me so many times that I can't even begin
to count them. Her strength and rationalism helped me
to become the person that I am today. I hope to
shower her with all the love that I can give back
to her. Our love and faith have brought us together.
I will always remember to have faith in our love. 
"Scully?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"I know, Mulder."

All I know is that my newly found faith in love
has helped her to come back to me. I would always
be greatful for the advice from Father McCue. He has
helped me tremendously, to find the light at the end
of the tunnel:  Scully. 

End of Story

Feedback: Always appreciated and always welcomed.
Send to: eblair@sonic.net

Author's Notes:

My idea for this story was to explore Mulder's feelings
after Scully's abduction in Duane Barry. This was written
for After the Fact's Duane Barry post episode challenge
but I included Ascension and One Breath episodes as 
well.   I have always believed Mulder realized he was in
love with Scully following her abduction but his faith was
in shatters and he didn't know where to turn. What I 
found hard to write was about Mulder's religious beliefs
-- I wasn't sure whether or not he was agnostic, athesist,
Jewish, or even Christian. I found help through the fanfic
writers and readers at the Haven. I would like to thank 
them for their insights. 

In '3', Mulder was wearing Scully's golden cross 
necklace --- that I believed this was the one thing of 
Scully's that made him feel that Scully was still close 
to him in spirit, but physically wasn't close by. I wanted
him to find solace in Scully's beliefs just as Scully 
found the 'strength of your beliefs' in Mulder. 

I hope you will enjoy this story as much I enjoyed 
writing it. Please feel free to write me about this
story. I want to hear from you. 

I would like to thank the wonderful people at Haven
for answering my questions at Mulder's religion. I want
to thank my beta, Jen, for helping me with the overall
quality of this story. I would like to thank truthwebothknow
for helping me with the tone, the descriptive verse, and the feel
that I was looking for. This story couldn't have been written without
the help of these gals.