TITLE: The Diary of a Hired Man
AUTHOR: Erin M. Blair
E-MAIL: eblair@sonic.net 
DISTRIBUTION: OK to Gossamer, Ephemeral,
After the Fact, etc. 

RATING: PG
CATEGORIES: SRA -- Story, Romance, Angst.  
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully UST. Krycek/Other. 
SPOILERS: Sleepless.

DEDICATION: To my beta reader, Jen, who provided
the inspiration for me to complete this story. :) This
fic is for you and happy birthday. 

DISCLAIMER: Krycek belongs to Chris Carter, but Nicolas
Lea gave him a soul. 

SUMMARY: Krycek remembers why he decided
to work for the consortium. 

-------------------------------------------------
The Diary of a Hired Man
by Erin M. Blair
------------------------------------------------

I used to be idealistic about our government. I 
thought they were trustworthy. I thought they
wanted to help others. *I* wanted to help others, to 
bring criminals to justice and put them away for life.

I learned differently. 

They wanted to harm the American population by
letting the secrecy, the hypocrisy, live on though the 
whiff of a cigarette. They wanted to bring an illness
 -- one for which there is no cure -- to an unwitting, 
trusting society by way of an alien virus. 

They're thoughtless crooks. 

When my fiancee died because of the alien 
virus, I knew what I had to do. I wanted to bring 
them down. 

By controlling them at their old game. 

I decided to join them in order to bring justice 
to that small group of powerful men. The ones
who told me that they made up the game by
creating rules. 

And then making false promises. They told me
that they would take care of me and help me
pay for Anna's funeral arrangements. 

I took them at their word, hoping they would
come through for me. I was foolish by giving
them my innocence because I wanted to believe so
badly. Later, I learned they weren't to be trusted
when I learned of their part in my Anna's death. 
I didn't trust them one bit; I was full of anger 
at losing the one woman who completed me. 

It's amazing how much I lost when I became 
Fox Mulder's partner. He was everything that I 
yearned to be. He was trusting of everyone,
and I sensed that his former partner -- Dana
Scully -- was the one he sought out to find
answers.

It was obvious when I saw them together in
the autopsy bay that they were making love
with their eyes. Anna and I -- we used to do 
that whenever we saw each other. I felt like
the third wheel. 

I was jealous of them having each other, 
while I had nothing but an assignment that 
I didn't want. I didn't want to harm Fox Mulder's
work because I envied him. 

I wanted to bring them down -- those people
who hired me. 

Now I have to turn in the couple whom I recently
got to know. 

I remember what I used to be, what I long to be,
but now I can't look at myself in the mirror. I hate
what I've become. I hate being the puppet; I hate
being a hired gun.

I guess that's what I am:  a hired man.

-- the end -- 

Feedback:  Yes, please. Send to: eblair@sonic.net

Author's Notes:

I decided to write a different point-of-view using Krycek. It
was interesting to try to get into his head. He's a great 
character to write for. It's too bad that Chris Carter under
utilized him. 

I found writing this story to be very refreshing to explore 
Krycek's world after writing Mulder/Scully romances for
so long. Hopefully, I will write another Krycek story in the
future. 

This story is dedicated to my beta reader, Jen, who is a 
Krycek fan. :)