Title: To Start Again (4/4)
Author: Erin M. Blair
E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net 
Classification: SRA--Story, Romance, Angst
Content: Pre-XF. Mulder/Scully Romance. 
Spoilers: Pilot. Small spoilers
for all the episodes up to Season 6.
Archive: OK to archive at: Gossamer,
FanficX, EMXC, Xemplary, and
SEFAMSRN. Others: ask me first. Please 
forward to ATXC. 
Disclaimer: They're not mine.  Chris Carter
owns them. 
Summary: A secret revealed. Selective memory
loss. Can love survive over time? How do you
face the future when your love returns?

-----------------------------------------
TO START AGAIN 
Written by: Erin M. Blair <eblair@sonic.net>
--------------------------------------------

Chapel of The Gillianites
Lake Tahoe, Nevada
September 2, 1998

After a horrific non-X-Files case, Mulder and Scully
wanted to get away from it all. They decided to
go to Lake Tahoe for a relaxing weekend and try their
hands at playing the slots. 

Now they entered a wedding chapel called Chapel of The
Gillianites near the stateline between California and
Nevada. Mulder leaned on Scully's shoulder and whispered
into her ear. "Scully?"

"What?" inquired Scully. 

Mulder turned to face her. He wanted to make sure
they wanted the same thing. "Are you sure you want us 
to be married, Scully?" 

Scully nodded. Her blue eyes grew misty as she
looked at Mulder. "I'd never been more certain of
anything in my entire life, Mulder."

"I know how much you wanted a big Catholic 
ceremony," said Mulder as he slightly frowned. 

"I seem to recall we had a big wedding last
time," replied Scully. "This doesn't bother me."

"It doesn't?" 

"No. I love you, Fox Mulder, and I don't care
if we married in the X-Files basement!" 

Mulder smiled. "Well, then, let's get married."

Fox and Dana Mulder's Residence
Annapolis, MD
May 12, 1999

"Katie?"

Katherine looked up to see her mother standing
in the doorway of her bedroom. "Mommy, I had a 
bad nightmare..."

Scully walked towards her ten year old daughter 
and took her in her arms. She smoothed Katherine's
auburn curls with her gentle hand to assuage her. "Was 
it about Daddy?"

Katherine nodded. "Yes." She paused. "Will he
ever come home?"

Scully sighed. She didn't know when Mulder will
be able to return. "I don't know, honey."

"I miss him."

"I know you do, Katie. I know he misses us like
crazy." 

"What happened?" 

Scully drew a deep breath as she wondered how
she was going to explain, in simple terms,
what had happened. The truth was, she realized, that
she didn't even know herself. "He became aware of 
another sense, Katie." That was the only way Scully
knew how to explain it.

With a questioning glance at her mother, Katherine 
leaned forward some more. She was very curious of what her 
mother had said. "What sense? You told me we can only 
hear, taste, smell, touch, and see things."

Scully nodded. "That's right, honey. Those *are* the 
main senses, but apparently, your father has acquired
a new one. Hearing other people in his mind."

"Sort of like what happened with Gibson?" Katherine
inquired.

"That's right. It's exactly like what happened with
Gibson." She paused. "How did you know about Gibson?"

"I remember you and Daddy arguing about him," Katherine
said with a shudder. "I thought..."

"You thought we didn't love each other anymore,"
Scully said, as she remembered their talk from 
several months back. "You know the truth, Sweetie."

"I know, but it still hurt," Katherine said with 
a sigh. She paused. "Can Daddy hear you in his mind?" 

"I'm sure he could, Katie." 

Katherine heard the sigh in her mother's voice, and 
knew she needed to tell her the truth. "Daddy loves you, 
Mommy. When you were gone, he missed you very, very much."

Although Scully knew Mulder's love for her, she was
grateful to hear it. Whenever they fought about Diana
Fowley, she was always afraid he didn't love her. 

That he wanted out of her life. 

"I know he loves me," Scully said with a soft 
smile. She paused as she stroked her daughter's
hair. "He loves you, William and Danielle very
much." 

"I know he loves us, Mommy, but I can tell you
don't really know yourself."

"That's very perceptive of you, Katie."

"I know." She paused. "Mommy?"

Scully knew there was something else on her 
daughter's mind, but wondered what it could
be. "What honey?"

"Grandma Mulder told me when I was little 
how Daddy was miserable without you. He 
was so lost and lonely."

"I didn't know."

"Please Mommy... You have to believe me.
I know Daddy loves you."

Scully nodded. "I know he loves me, Katie." 
She paused. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Mommy."

Scully walked into her bedroom, and went
to sleep. 

En Route From Martha's Vineyard
Georgetown, MD
February 6, 1991

"Dana, I should have driven," Mulder
complained to his wife. "You know
how much I love to drive."

Dana gripped the wheel. She silently
agreed with him; she should have let
him drive especially during this sudden
downfall. "I know you do, Fox." 

"But I'm right. I should have driven,"
Mulder said with a small smile. He
changed the subject. "I can't wait to 
see Katie."

"Me too. It's only been a couple of 
days but I miss her very much," Dana
said as she turned the car to go on 
a road to home. She wanted to tell him
her news: that she was pregnant. She was
about to tell him when a car with bright
headlights headed toward them, and all
went black. 

Dana and Fox Mulder's Residence
Annapolis, MD
May 12, 1999

*I finally remembered the accident,*
Scully said with alarm. She sat up in
the bed she shared with Mulder, and her
blue eyes focused on the clock radio. "7:30
in the morning." She got out of the bed, and
put on her clothes. 

Scully's blue eyes gazed longly at the empty 
side of the bed where Mulder slept. She 
wanted to tell him her news, but she knew 
she couldn't. 

Yet.

She wanted to have it out with her mother.
Although Scully loved her mother dearly, she was
extremely hurt she had kept Mulder
and Katie away from her. 

She walked out the bedroom with a sense of
purpose and decided to check her children. She 
walked to William's room, and turned the
knob to open the door. "Will, it's Mommy."

William heard his mother, and he opened his
hazel eyes. He noticed how sad his mother looked
and he wondered why. "Mommy, what's wrong?"

"I miss your daddy," Scully said as she pushed back
a stray brown lock of hair from her son's face. *He 
looks so much like his father.*

"I miss him, Mommy. When's he coming home?" 

Scully sighed. She didn't know when Mulder would be
coming home. "As soon as he can. I know he misses
all of us." She changed the subject. "I'm going to
visit your Grandma Scully today..."

"And what about us?" 

"I will be taking you and your sisters to see your
Uncle Charlie and Aunt Jennifer."

"I guess we can play with our cousins..."

Scully nodded gently. "Yes."  

Margaret Scully's Residence
Baltimore, MD
May 13, 1999

"Dana! I wasn't expecting you," said Margaret,
ushering her daughter inside the house. "Your
cousin, Marianna's visiting me."

"Why is Marianna visiting you, Mom?" asked 
Scully. She followed her mother into the living 
room where her cousin was sitting.

Marianna got up from the sofa when she saw her
cousin walk in. "Hi Dana. Long time no see."

"I guess you still look like my identical 
cousin," said Scully. She looked at her cousin's
shoulder-length auburn hair and blue eyes. Marianna's 
facial features were very similiar to Scully's,
and was an Assistant District Attorney in Baltimore. "I
didn't expect to see you, Marianna. I thought you
were busy with prosecuting criminals."

"I was on the way to the office when I realized I 
hadn't seen Aunt Maggie for a few months," said
Marianna. "How's that cute husband of yours?"

Scully sighed. "He's fine." She paused. She wanted
to talk to her mother alone. She didn't feel like
having a conversation with her cousin. "Mom, I need
to speak with you alone."

"All right," said Margaret. She turned to face Marianna.
"Will you please excuse us? This should only take a
minute."

"That's ok, Aunt Maggie."

"Thanks Marianna," said Scully. She followed her 
mother to the kitchen.

"What's this about, Dana? Is it about Fox?" inquired
Margaret. She looked at her daughter with concern. "Is
it about the children?"

"I remembered everything," said Scully. "I remembered
the accident."  She looked at her mother's startled 
expression. "How come you didn't tell me about Mulder
and Katie when I was in the hospital?"

"The doctors said it would have done some damage if -"

"Don't give me that, Mom. It wouldn't have done any
damage. If anything, it would have jump started my memory
sooner."

"You didn't remember anything when you became 
his partner," reminded Margaret. 

Scully nodded. "Mom, Mulder told me how you told him to
sign legal documents to end our marriage. I wasn't given
any say in the matter. If I had known this, I would have
said no."

"I know you would have, Dana, but you didn't know anything
of Fox and Katie. If you showed any signs, we wouldn't have
told him to divorce you."

"Mom, he was forced to sign the divorce documents! I had 
always thought it was Ahab who didn't want me to join the
FBI, but now my memories are crystal clear. You weren't 
happy I had married Mulder and had Katherine. You wanted
me to be a doctor not a FBI agent."

"Dana, I wanted to protect you," replied Margaret. "You
know how much I love you." 

Scully looked at her mother and frowned. She knew her
mother loved her in spite of her domineering ways. "Mom,
I love you too but you kept me from finding out the truth.
You could have told me that I was married to him but you
didn't." She paused as her face was lined with sadness. "I've 
lost years of getting to know my own daughter which I'll
never get back."

"I'm so sorry. I should have told you, but I didn't think
it would matter -"

"It *did* matter," said Scully with fierce determination. "I'll
talk more about this with you later but right now I'm going
to try to help Mulder."

*   *    * 

Georgetown Memorial Psychology Ward
May 13, 1999
2:00 a.m.

"I'm Special Agent Dana Scully-Mulder here to see my
husband, Fox Mulder," said Scully as she flashed her
badge. 

"He's still out of control, Agent Scully," said the
doctor with a frown. "We gave him enough drugs to 
put him into a drug induced coma but surprisingly,
it didn't." He paused. "It may not be a good idea to
see him."

"I know. He never bothers me."

With that, Scully walked inside Mulder's room. He was
laying in the bed with his hands in restraints. A pained
expression flitted across her face. She watched his hazel
eyes open to see her. 

She was a vision - an angel - before him and he thought
he was still dreaming. The drugs weren't making him lucid
as the thoughts were making him miserable with pain. "Scully?
Is it really you?"

Scully nodded. She bent over to kiss him on the lips and 
smiled sadly at him. "I miss you. Katie, Will, and Dani
were wondering when you're coming home."

"I think you know the answer to that, Scully." Mulder
paused and he heard what happened in Scully's mind. "You
remembered the accident." 

"I remembered everything, Mulder. I was about to tell you
that I was pregnant again but then the accident occured."
Scully paused. "I had it out with my Mom..."

"And what?"

"She's sorry for everything she caused. Mulder, she forced
you to sign the papers. If I had never -"

"I know, Scully. I know you're upset but it's all in the 
past. We have to move on - we can't change the past only
the future."

"We have to find the courage to start again, right?"

"Right."

Dana and Fox Mulder's Residence
May 24, 1999

"I see the car, Uncle Charlie!" exclaimed a
happy Danielle. Her blue eyes lighted up like
a Christmas tree in May and her auburn hair 
shone like a bright ruby. "Mommy and Daddy are
here!"

"I can see you're excited about your Daddy
coming home from the hospital," replied
Charlie. He watched Danielle running happily
towards her fraternal twin, William. 

"Mommy's bringing Daddy home, Will!"

William nodded. "I know, Dani. You keep 
saying that ever since Mommy left us in charge 
of Uncle Charlie and Aunt Jennifer."

"Does Katherine know?" inquired Danielle. 

"I'm sure she does but she's not sounding
like a broken record like *you*, Danielle
Melissa Mulder."

"That would be *you*, William Fox Mulder,"
replied Danielle. 

"Will and Dani - stop arguing," replied
Katherine in a hush tone. "Mommy and
Daddy are coming in!" 

The Mulder children huddled near each
other behind the chair to watch the door
knob. When they saw their parents enter
the foyer, they yelled, "Welcome home,
Daddy!" 

Mulder laughed. "I'm happy to be back."

Scully looked around the house to see
a banner which stated, "Welcome Home,
Daddy" in big, bold lettering. She turned
to face Charlie and Jennifer. "Is this
your doing, Charlie?"

"Nope," replied Charlie. "It was Katherine
but Danielle was excited all day long."

"I should have guessed that, Charlie,"
said Scully with a smile. She turned to
face the children. "They weren't that
much trouble."

"If you want trouble, I can send you
my fifteen year old daughter, Alison."

Scully laughed. "No thanks. I have
enough with Mulder and Will."

William shouted. "Mom!"

Mulder followed Katherine into the
kitchen and he noticed how withdrawn she
was from all the excitement. "Katie,
what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm happy we have you back."

"And I'm happy to *be* back," replied 
Mulder. "I know something's wrong."

Katherine's eyes look downcast as she
wasn't sure what to say. "I can't 
tell this to Mommy because we're not 
*that* close."

"You'll be close, don't worry, Katherine."

"I never had to deal with a sister and a
brother before. I was alone with the exception
of you, Grandma Mulder, Aunt Diana, and even
Aunt Samantha. I didn't have a Mommy then but
now I do. Mommy likes William and Danielle
a lot better than me!"

Mulder took a deep breath and sighed. "That's 
not true, Katie. Your Mommy loves you
so much and she wishes all the time she never
lost those years raising you." 

Scully walked in. "Mulder, I was wondering
where you were."

"I'm in here with Katie."

Scully noticed Katherine's tear streaked face
with concern and then faced her husband. "What's
wrong with Katie?" 

"She thinks you don't love her," replied
Mulder with a sigh. "I told her it wasn't true."

"I think I know what's the problem, Mulder. It's
those missing years we were apart." She bent down
to face her daughter. "Katherine, I do love you."

"You love Will and Dani better."

"That's not true, Katie. You're my first born and
I loved you the moment I first found out I was pregnant
with you. It's true I gotten to know Will and Dani
more as I raised them. You don't know how much I 
wanted to rewind those missing years to share them
with you and your father."

"But you got to know Daddy, Mommy. You didn't want
to get to know me!"

"Katie, that was my fault," replied Mulder. "Not
your Mommy's. She didn't know anything about you. 
I was protecting you from getting hurt. It was 
wrong of me."

Scully nodded. "We both love you, your sister,
and your brother equally. Katherine, there's 
nothing we can do to erase what happened. I wish
that accident never happened, but we're together 
now. That's what matters." She paused as she wiped
the tears flowing down on her daughter's cheek. "I
love you, Katie." She looked up at Mulder. "We're
going to start again with new memories and our love
will make us stronger than ever before." 

Mulder kneeled down to face his daughter. "We love
you, Sweetie." He paused. "Do you understand?"

Katherine nodded. "I love Mommy and Daddy." She returned
the embrace to her parents. 

Scully smiled. "And I love you, Katherine Dana Mulder." She
stroked her daughter's curls and gazed into her husband's
hazel eyes. "I have my family back."

William and Danielle walked into the kitchen where their
parents and sister were. They saw Mulder and Scully embracing
Katherine. "Hey, Danielle, a group hug!" He paused. "Mommy,
Daddy, can we join in?"

"Might as well," replied Mulder. He made room for the 
twins. He whispered to Scully. "I can get used to this."

*    *   *

Later on that night, Mulder and Scully were getting ready
for bed. "Scully?"

"What?"

"I have something to tell you," replied Mulder. He took
a deep breath. "I know you think you can't conceive - "

"Mulder, what are you trying to tell me?"

"Long ago, I rescued your ova when you told me you had
cancer. I'm sorry I know I should have told you but the
timing was never right..."

"And?"

"Your ova was rescued by the Lone Gunmen and myself. We
placed it a fertility clinic," said Mulder. He sighed 
ruefully. "I know, Dana, I should have told you. I tried
to tell you several times but I chickened out. If you want
another baby, we can."

Scully sighed. "Mulder, thanks for letting me know but
three children's enough. Don't you think? Katie, Will,
and Dani are a handful!" She paused. "I need to tell you
something, too."

"You do?"

Scully nodded. "Yes. Last month, I learned the doctors
were wrong. I can conceive normally - I have enough 
ova in one ovary."

Mulder's lips formed in a quick smile. "That's very good 
news, Dana. Someday, we'll have another baby - "

"When the time's right."

"Scully?"

"Yes?" 

"I'm glad we're able to start again," replied Mulder. "You
don't know how happy I am." He watched her smile deepen. 

Scully nodded. "I do know, Mulder. I'm very happy we're
together again."

"Me too," said Mulder with a yawn. He closed his eyes and
went to sleep, knowing Scully would always be with him. 

Their love was made stronger over the trials of their life
but now they were truly able to start again on a journey.

A journey of hope.

A journey of peace.

A journey of forgiveness.

Old memories will give way to new memories, made richer
by the passing day. 

Their life will be blessed by their children and hope
will spring to give them love forever.

Why?

They were able to start again.

End of Story

Part Four of Four Parts.

Author's Notes: This story came to me in
a dream, and I thought that it was an
interesting plot to write. It got the juices
flowing again. It was an enormous undertaking
to figure out which episodes to feature in 
the story. 

The most problematic portion of the story
was how Katherine Mulder was going to find
out Dana Scully was her mother, and how I'm
going to capture that scene. I decided to let
Katherine overhear--she's curious--the truth.

As much as I hated Diana Fowley, I wanted
to explore why both Diana and Scully hated
each other's guts. Both of them had their own
reasons to dislike each other.

I am planning on continuing "To Start Again"
as series or writing stories within this 
universe. I truly enjoyed writing this story
and I feel I have several stories for this
universe so yes, there will be a "To Start Again"
series! There will be a prequel and a few sequels.


Special Thanks: 

To Carol G.: For beta reading this story. Your
comments and suggestions really helped the story,
and I appreciate you for taking the time to help
me. 

To the various mailing lists I'm on: FolieADuex, Shippyfanfic,
Anti-Fowley, Arsx, Sefamsrn, ErinMBlairXFFanfic,
AnXFObsession, CADF, and etc. I'm very grateful for your 
support, dedication and encouragement for the past 
several months. This encouragement means so much to 
me. 

To Tanya and Joey: I would like to thank you for your
continued support of my work, and I'm looking forward
to write with the both of you. You're great friends!

To Lisa and Rotem: Thanks for always reading my work and
letting me know you love my stories. It's appreciated and
welcomed.
 
Special Dedication: This story is lovingly dedicated to an
online friend, Samantha, who was the list mommy for
the AnXFObsession Mailing List. She died
from a battle of leukemia. She was a very good
fanfic writer as well as a good friend. She supported
me and my stories with great encouragement and care. I'll
miss you, Samantha, and I'll always remember you.

Feedback: I would like to receive
positive, critical feedback so I
can improve. Send to: eblair@sonic.net