From: "Erin M. Blair" Date: Fri, 14 Jan 2000 17:47:35 -0800 Subject: NEW: To Start Again 1/4 by Erin M. Blair Source: xff Title: To Start Again (1/4) Author: Erin M. Blair E-Mail: eblair@sonic.net Classification: SRA--Story, Romance, Angst Content: Pre-XF. Mulder/Scully Romance. Spoilers: Pilot. Small spoilers for all the episodes up to Season 6. Archive: OK to archive at: Gossamer, Church of X, EMXC, Xemplary, and SEFAMSRN. Others: ask me first. Please forward to ATXC. Disclaimer: They're not mine. Chris Carter owns them. Summary: A secret revealed. Selective memory loss. Can love survive over time? How do you face the future when your love returns? -------------------------------------------- TO START AGAIN (1/4) Written by: Erin M. Blair -------------------------------------------- FBI Building X-Files Basement Office March 6, 1992 >From his desk drawer, Fox Mulder took out a white envelope which was simply addressed, 'Fox.' He opened it, carefully, to take out two wedding rings. A slip of paper fell out, and he bent down to pick it up. It was a handwritten letter from his wife. Through his teary hazel eyes, he tried to see the words on the paper but to no avail. *It doesn't matter, I already know what it says.* He could clearly remember the devastation that he'd felt when the doctors told him that his wife had suffered a severe case of selective amnesia following the car accident on the way from their summer house on Martha's Vineyard. She didn't remember him. She didn't remember their engagement. She didn't remember their marriage. She didn't remember their young daughter, Katherine. However, she did remember her career in the FBI. She remembered her parents and siblings, but she didn't remember him. The doctors and her family told him to divorce her. With her parents signing on her behalf, his marriage was over. He was a single father now, and he was raising his little girl with the help of his mother. It was his daughter's fourth birthday that day, and he wished to God that his ex-wife would remember them. *I still think Dana as my wife. At least, that's what she was to me when I last saw her. I know that she would never have left me of her own accord.* He grabbed a tissue and wiped his tears. The memories of his wife were painful. To this day, it was hard for him to find the words to express what had happened. He put the paper back in its envelope, and he picked up his wedding ring. He noticed an inscription on the gold band, and he read it aloud. "Fox. Forever Yours. Love D." *I have to move on with my life. I know that it wasn't meant to be. My marriage never existed anyway.* Mulder heard a knock at the door, and he knew who it was. *My new partner.* Quickly, he put the wedding ring in his desk drawer along with the letter and his wife's wedding band. He put the file relating to the Oregon case on his desk. "Nobody here except for the FBI's most unwanted!" He turned towards the door, and took off his glasses. There she was. *Dana.* "Agent Mulder, I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you." Although it had been a year since he'd last seen her, Mulder still thought that she looked beautiful with her long, auburn hair and azure blue eyes. There was no hint of recognition from her, which made it all the more painful for Mulder as he recalled the memory of being told that she would never remember him. "How nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, *Scully*?" He decided to emphasize her maiden name to see if she said anything. "Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you." Scully looked at him with fierce determination. *What's with him?* "I've heard a lot about you." "Oh really? I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me," Mulder said. *They're probably laughing at the thought that my ex-wife and I are partners.* "If you have any doubts about my credentials, I---" *I know her credentials. At least, she still remembers that. I don't even have to look at her personal file to find out the details.* "You're a medical doctor. You teach at the Academy. You did your undergraduate degree in physics. 'Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation' Dana Scully's senior thesis." He paused, as he gave her a small smile. "Now that's a credential, rewriting Einstein." "Did you bother to read it?" *Dana, you know that I did. I read it a thousand times. Memorized it.* "I did. I liked it. It's just that in most of my work, the laws of physics rarely seems to apply." Pleasantries over, Mulder got right down to business, flipping off the lights and turning on the projector. The slide showed the corpse of a young girl lying face down on the forest floor. Then next slide was a close up of three little marks on the deceased woman's lower back. "Let's see how good you are at chemistry. Can you identify those marks, Agent Scully?" "It looks organic. It could be anything. Bug bites, maybe?" Mulder looked at her, and nodded. "We're going to Oregon tomorrow." He made a comment to her about arriving at the office bright and early. As she left the room with a small smile, he saw a glimpse of the woman he loved. *I have to act like she doesn't matter to me but it's going to be a lie. I still love Dana.* Fox Mulder's Apartment Alexandria, VA July 7, 1994 Scully walked into Mulder's apartment, and she sat down at his computer. She was trying to find where he went. When she logged into her e-mail account, his message hadn't said anything where he was going. *Where are you, Mulder?* When she saw the screen requesting a password, she typed in a few guesses such as "Samantha" but then she got in with "TrustNo1." "I had this gut feeling that he'd use it," Scully said as she smiled. She saw the coordinates, and she started the printer. As the document was printing, she opened Mulder's desk drawer to get a pen. She saw two wedding bands, and she took one out to see it close up. "Fox. Forever yours. Love D." *Who's D? Who was he married to?" All of her thoughts regarding Mulder's marriage were quickly dashed when fellow agents came bursting into his apartment. She took the printed document, and left. She had to save Mulder before they found him and figured out his secret. Arecibo, Puerto Rico July 9, 1994 Scully arrived in near the lab obversatory where Mulder was. She looked around as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. Everything was in disarray. Papers were strewn all over the floor, and then she saw Mulder. He was laying on the ground, so still, that she thought he was dead. "Mulder?" His hazel eyes fluttered as he focused on Scully. Briefly, he forgot she was his partner, but his wife. "Dana, I had an awful nightmare..." "Mulder, it's me, Scully. Do you know where you are?" Then he became fully awake. He got up on his feet, and he put his hands on her shoulders. "We've got solid proof. Evidence." He paused. "They were here, Scully." "Mulder, we've got to go," Scully said with a sigh. She was mystified why he called her 'Dana' in a very intimate manner. She would ask him about that later, but now, they must escape the UFO retrieval team. Mulder Residence Annapolis, MD January 5, 1991 Mulder heard his wife groan, and felt her tossing in the sheets beside him. He could feel the smooth satin of her white nightshirt against his body. His voice became low and soothing as he started to overcome with worry. "Did you have another nightmare again?" Dana nodded. "Yes." Mulder's brow creased with concern for his wife. "Dana, why don't you tell me about it? Does it have to do with your job at the FBI?" Dana shook her head with a sigh. "No, that's not it. I like my job teaching forensic medicine at Quantico. It gives me more time to be with you and Katherine." Her eyes lit up at the mention of their two year old daughter, momentarily forgetting the pain that the nightmares had caused. "Then what is it?" "It's that same nightmare. I'm having it over and over again." Mulder's eyes were full of concern for his wife. He knew about her nightmares as she had been having them for months. Lately, their regularity had been intensifying, coming every night for the past week. "I thought that it ended when Katherine was born." "I thought so too. My nightmare's back now. It started when we talked about our trip to the summer house last week." "Maybe we shouldn't go," Mulder suggested, thoughtfully. "If the nightmare's telling you that this car accident will happen during our trip, maybe we should just stay home. I want to be with you." Dana looked at Mulder's concerned expression, and she sighed. "We already have the time off, Fox. We already arranged for your mother to take care of Katherine. We both need a vacation, and I think that this trip would be a good idea." "It doesn't sound like a good idea now." He paused. "Why don't you tell me what happened in this dream?" "All I know is that I suffer from selective amnesia. I remember everything...but I don't remember you. I don't remember our marriage. I don't remember falling in love with you. I don't even remember giving birth to our daughter!" Mulder saw how his wife clenched the covers in fear, and he pulled her into his embrace. With a gentle touch, he stroked the small of her back to reassure her. He knew that these nightmares were intensifying, and he always tried to soothe her as best as he could. He looked into her eyes, and saw the despair that the nightmares caused. "Is there something else?" Dana nodded. "Yes." "What?" "In my nightmare, I saw you. You were so devastated at what happened to me that you lost faith in us. Most of all, you lost faith in me. You closed yourself off. I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen to us. I'm going to write a journal and I'm going to put all our photos in albums...and I'll write letters to you." "How's that going to prevent it? Dana, I thought that you didn't believe in psychic dreams..." "Normally, I don't. This one struck me to the core. It's so realistic, Fox. I know that you're not sure about the photo albums and the journal and the letters, but they will help me recover my memories back if that car accident happens." "How so?" "You're going to give me them in the hospital. You have to fight for me, Fox. You have to fight for our marriage, and most of all, I want you to fight for our daughter. Will you promise me?" Mulder looked at her hopeful expression, and nodded. "I promise." "Thank you," Dana whispered. "I promise that I'll always be with you--just like our wedding bands say." She got up from their bed, and Mulder followed her into their daughter's bedroom. She look at Katherine, sleeping, in her bed while she smoothed her daughter's auburn hair. "She looks so beautiful." "I know." "Katherine looks like me." "She does look like you, Dana. I wonder if she has anything of mine." "She does, Fox. Someday, she'll probably be just like you in some ways." Mulder smiled at his wife. "Know what?" "What?" He looked deeply into her blue eyes, and his smile deepened. "I wouldn't mind if she's like you in every way." "I bet you do," she said as she hugged him. "Do you remember when she was born?" "I do, Dana. Remember when we first saw her?" "You said that she was 'our little Scully,' meaning how much she looked like me." "She still does. She got her looks from her beautiful mother--you." Dana gave her husband a smile which lighted up her features. She knew that it was time to discuss a subject closer to her heart. "Fox, I was wondering if we can have another child?" "Another child?" Mulder inquired. He saw his wife's smile deepen. "Yes, I want us to have another child. The timing's right. Katherine will be three years old soon..." "You want her to have a sister or brother to play with?" Mulder asked as Dana nodded. "I would love another baby, Dana." Dana's eyes shone with happiness. She embraced him, and stroked his back. "After our trip, we'll start planning." Northeast Georgetown Medical Center Dana Scully-Mulder's room March 7, 1989 Mulder walked into his wife's room, and he noticed that she was breast feeding their new daughter. He gave his wife a kiss on the lips, and then bent down to kiss the newest member of their family. "Hi there, Katherine Dana Mulder." Dana looked up to see Mulder, and she teased him. "Aren't you going to say 'hi' to me?" "I kissed you on the lips. Isn't that the same thing?" Mulder asked, playfully. "I'm just teasing you, Fox." She cleaned off Katherine with a soft towel, and then she handed their baby to Mulder while she fixed her hospital gown. "She's only a day old, and I just can't get enough of her. She looks so much like me." Mulder nodded. "I know. You're the one who named her 'Katherine' for the very reason." He paused as he smiled at their baby. "I know what you mean. I can't get enough of her either." "All throughout my pregnancy, weren't you the one who wanted to name our daughter 'Dana'?" Mulder nodded. "I had this feeling that she was going to look like you. When I saw Katherine, nothing seemed to matter except the both of you." "I know what you mean," Dana said in agreement. "When I saw her, I felt so complete. At the same time, Fox, I know that we're going to have make some changes." "Like what?" "My job," she said with a sigh. She looked into her husband's hazel eyes. "It's something I'd been thinking about ever since I became pregnant. I had always wanted to practice medicine, but maybe, it's not a good idea." "I thought that you'd always wanted to practice." "I did. A part of me still does, but now, I don't know." She sighed. "Since giving birth to Katherine, I want to be with my family. If I'm a doctor, I'll be out every single hour of the day. I want to see our daughter grow up." "You want a career change?" "Not exactly...but something that will give me more time to be with you and Katherine." She paused as she decided to change the subject. "How's your case against Susanne Modeski?" "Fine. My SAC thinks that she'll be at some convention next week. We're tracking her down." "That's good. I wish that I could help you, Fox." "You already have." FBI Building Briefing Room May 5, 1998 11:00 a.m. "Fox, long time, no see," Diana Fowley said, as she approached him. "How are you?" Her brown eyes were filled with concern for her former partner. "I'm fine," Mulder said, quickly. Out of the corner of his hazel eyes, he saw Scully getting up from her chair to join them. "Mulder, aren't you going to introduce me to her?" Mulder turned around from Diana's gaze to see her walk up. "Scully, this is Diana Fowley. She was my former partner." It felt odd to him to reintroduce her to Diana as they had already met. He noticed that Scully didn't give any sign of her previous introduction to Diana. He turned to face Diana, who knew about Scully's selective amnesia. "Diana, this is Dana Scully. My partner." "Nice to meet you, Dana. I've heard a lot about you." "Really? Like what?" "That you've been his partner for almost six years now." "Is that all?" Scully asked, curious. For some reason, a surge of jealousy stirred within her. "That's all," Diana said, with a sigh. She didn't want to tell Scully about what happened previously when they first met. *She doesn't remember me. After all these years, I wonder why Fox never told Dana the truth.* "Come on, let's go to see Gibson Praise," Mulder said. They walked to the car in silence, and Scully got into the passenger side. With curiosity, she watched Diana climb into the back seat of the car. For some reason, she'd already started to hate her. *How come?* She turned to face Mulder, who was in the driver's seat, and she tried to gauge some kind of reaction from him, to no avail. Then she decided to ask Diana how she met Mulder. "Agent Fowley, how did you meet Mulder?" "Well...um...I met him when I first entered the FBI. We'd been friends for awhile, and then the Bureau assigned us to be partners in the Behavioral Science Unit. Shortly after that..." She almost said "his wife left him" to Scully when Mulder gave her a look which told her that she shouldn't tell Scully the truth. "What?" Mulder grasped the wheel tightly, and he sighed. "She helped me discover the X-Files, Scully." He knew that Diana wanted him to tell Scully the truth about their earlier relationship, but he had always stopped himself. Besides Diana, his mother and members of Scully's family, he was the only one who remembered his marriage to Dana Scully. Scully frowned. *Diana was there for him at the beginning, not me.* "When?" "In 1991," Mulder said, quietly. "I was going through a horrible time, Scully." He paused. "I'll explain everything..." "I hope so." Northeast Georgetown Medical Center February 7, 1991 Noon "You're going to be released today," the doctor said as he signed the release form. "You have some cuts and bruises, but you're free to go." Mulder nodded. "What about my wife? Dana Scully-Mulder." "She's going to be here for some time. She had some trauma to her brain." "What?! I need to see my wife!" Mulder got up from the bed, and dressed quickly in the clothes that his mother had left for him earlier that day. The doctor grabbed him. "You don't understand, Agent Mulder. Your wife suffered severe memory loss. She doesn't remember you." "What about our marriage? Our daughter?" "Nothing. She doesn't remember being married or having a daughter. In fact, she believes she's Dana Scully, not Dana Scully-Mulder. She doesn't think that she's married to anyone." "Oh my God," Mulder murmured softly. *Dana doesn't remember anything of our love.* "What about her job? Her medical training? What does she remember?" "She knows that she's a FBI agent, teaching forensic medicine. She knows she's a medical doctor. She remembers her parents and siblings, but she doesn't remember you. I'm sorry." Mulder felt he had been punched in the stomach after the doctor said that his wife doesn't remember him. He knew she'd had nightmares about this, but he had written it off. He told himself that everything would be fine. Before the accident, they even talked about having more children. "Can I see her?" "No. Her parents felt it's best that you don't see her." Mulder was devastated; he felt his heart had ripped into two sections. He wanted desparately to see her. *Dana would have wanted me to see her! I have to show her everything she'd written and the photo albums.* "I have to see her." "I'm sorry. You can't see her. Believe me, I think that it's best for her not to see you. If she does, it may be too risky. She might go into shock and suffer more memory loss." "Is it permanent?" The doctor nodded. "Yes. She'll never regain any of her memories. We, including her family, already decided that you should break all ties to Dana." When Mulder heard this, he was completely devastated. He felt numb without any emotion. This was exactly what Dana had feared would happen: that he would close down all emotion and lose the fight within him. "What?" "We think that you should annul the marriage. It would be easier for her to deal with if the marriage never existed." Mulder's eyes flashed with anger. "Are you forgetting the fact that Dana and I have a daughter? If I annulled our marriage, that would make our daughter illegitimate. It would also imply that *our daughter* wouldn't exist. I won't do that to Katherine." "All right then, we suggest that you divorce her." When Mulder heard that, he was extremely angry. "What kind of doctor are you for suggesting that I should divorce my wife?" "There's no hope that she'll ever regain her memories of you. I'm not the only one who believes this. We had a neurologist to look at her, and he said the same thing that I'm telling you. His recommendation was the same as mine: break all ties to her. Divorce her." "If I do, will she sign the papers?" "No. Her parents are going to sign on her behalf." Mulder weighed up what the doctor told him. *There's no hope, Dana. You'll never remember. I love you so much, and I have to set you free.* "I'll divorce her." "Good. I'll inform her parents. We'll have the papers ready for you to be signed tomorrow." Mulder was in total despair. His emotions were numbed from the news about Dana. He felt he was in his own real life nightmare. His Dana was lost to him now, and all he had left was Katherine. She was the only one who existed in his mind. He didn't want to see his daughter hurt that her mother didn't remember her, and knew she needed to be protected. "When they sign the papers, tell them that I'll never let them see Katherine again." En Route to Mrs. Mulder's Residence Greenwich, CT February 7, 1991 3:00 p.m. Mulder was driving around aimlessly after being released from the hospital. He needed some time to think by himself, especially after all that had happened. *Why did this happen to us? We were so happy. All of our life together was cut short in a stupid car accident!* He felt that he was drifting away on a boat with no one to pull him ashore. Without Dana, he was miserable. The only person that made him come back to shore was Katherine. Katherine was the only one from his marriage to Dana who still loved him. She was the only reason why he'd continue on without his wife. His daughter was the product of his love for Dana-they created Katherine out of their love for each other. End of Part One of Four -------------------------------------------- TO START AGAIN (2/4) Written by: Erin M. Blair -------------------------------------------- Mrs. Mulder's Residence February 7, 1991 "Fox, I didn't expect you until tomorrow. Otherwise, I would have come to get you. How's Dana?" Mulder's hazel eyes welled with tears for Dana. "She isn't..?" "No, Mom. It would be easier for me if that was the case. To me, she's dead." Teena Mulder was horrified at her son's comments about his wife. "Fox! That's a horrible thing to say about Dana." "Mom, that's how I feel." Teena led her son to the sofa in the living room. She looked at him, and saw how emotionally drained he was. "Why don't you sit down and tell me what happened? I'll go get Katherine. She really wants to see you." "Thanks, Mom. Before you get Katherine, I really need to talk about this." Teena nodded. "All right. What happened to Dana?" "You know how we were both in a car accident?" Mulder asked as he watched his mother nod. "Dana...she's suffering from permanent selective memory loss. She remembers everything else except for our marriage." He softly cried, as he remembered what the doctor had told him. When he looked up, he saw a look of understanding from his mother. "She doesn't remember our daughter and me. They forbid me to see her. They want me to divorce her." "They forbid you to see her?" Mulder nodded. "I already told them that I'll divorce her." "Dana wouldn't want this to happen, you know that." "I know," Mulder said softly. "However, she doesn't remember me. If she remembered me, we'd be all right. I have to let her go." *If I love Dana, I have to set her free. If we're meant to be, she'll come back to me.* "Mom?" "Yes, Fox?" Mulder's voice quivered brokenly. "Will you help me to take care of Katherine?" Teena nodded. "Of course. She can stay here for as long as both of you want." "Thank you, Mom." He gave her a quick hug. "Thanks for taking care of Katherine." "You're welcome, Fox. I'll do anything to help you," Teena said, as she returned her son's hug. She was very concerned for Fox and her granddaughter at losing Dana. She remembered her conversation with her daughter-in-law, and knew that Dana wouldn't want to see Fox and Katherine to suffer like this. "Fox, I think that you should stay here tonight." "I can't, Mom. I have to sign the papers tomorrow." Teena gave Mulder a look which told him to reconsider, and he relented. "I'll stay tonight." "You look exhausted, Fox. You need to get some sleep. I'll set up a room for you." "Thanks, Mom." He followed his mother upstairs, and went into the nursery to check on Katherine. Mulder saw her in the crib. *She's so beautiful with her auburn hair and blue eyes. Dana had always said that our daughter looks like her when she was younger. She's right.* Then his eyes drifted to looking around the room. He softly smiled as he remembered picking out nursery furniture for this room with Dana. They felt that Katherine needed a room at his mother's whenever they were out of town. "Fox, your room's ready for you." Mulder turned around to see his mother standing at the doorway. "Thanks, Mom." "I'll leave the two of you alone... Call me if you need me." Mulder nodded, then turned towards his daughter. He reached into the crib and gently lifted her out, cuddling her in his arms, then walked into the rocking chair in the corner. He sat down, making sure that Katherine was comfortable in his embrace, and looked into her tiny face. "Sweetie, I need to tell you something about your mommy," he said softly. Katherine looked at him, still too young to really comprehend what he was saying. Mulder smiled tenderly, touched his lips to her forehead and smoothed a hand over her soft auburn hair. "Your mommy's not going to be with us anymore." Mrs. Mulder's Residence February 7, 1991 8:00 a.m. "Fox!" Teena exclaimed as she walked into her son's room, and patted him on the shoulder. "Katie's crying for her mommy." Mulder yawned. "I'll be there in a second." He looked at his surroundings, and then remembered the events which had changed his life. "All right. Do you want me to fix you some breakfast?" Teena asked. She was concerned about him, as she knew how he felt that he lost everything in that car accident. "That's all right, Mom." "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." Mulder watched his mother leave the room, and knew today wasn't going to be easy for him. He was going to become a single father. He rose from the bed, and crossed to the dresser, picking out one of his FBI regulation suits and a tie. At noon, he was going to sign the divorce papers that would release him from his marriage to Dana. Under normal circumstances, he knew that it wouldn't have happened. *She'd have contested it - I know that.* He walked to see Katherine in the nursery. "Katie?" "Daddy?" He walked closer to see his little girl, and he knew how worried she was. *Did she understand what's going on? She's only two years old.* "Yes, Sweetie?" "Daddy, where's Mommy?" Mulder drew a deep breath, and he could feel the tears starting to well in his eyes. He didn't know how to respond to his daughter. He wanted to spare her from the despondency that he was feeling. He took her in his arms, and sat down on a rocking chair. *I have to be strong. I have to get through this. We both do.* He took a deep breath and decided to tell her what happened. "Mommy's not with us anymore. She died." Katherine began to cry, and her face was lined with tears. She watched as her father hugged her to ease her pain. Like her father, she was full of sorrow and desolation. She would never be able to see her mother ever again. Through her tears, she saw a look of concern from her father. Both of them would continue to go on without Dana. Northeast Georgetown Medical Center February 7, 1991 10:00 a.m. Mulder walked into the waiting room to sign the divorce papers. He saw her parents and the doctor conversing with each other about Dana's case. Captain William Scully saw Mulder approach them, and he whispered to his wife, "I would like to speak to him, Maggie. Alone." Margaret nodded. She watched him get up from the chair, and he led Mulder to a far corner of the waiting room so they could talk privately. "I need to talk to you about Dana," William said. When he looked at Mulder, he saw the devastation in his eyes. He had a feeling that he wasn't taking this very well. "I think that everything's being settled. I'm giving her the divorce like you want." "It wasn't my idea, you know. I know I was furious at Dana for choosing the FBI but I knew how happy she was. I can see why she chose a new career move, but her mother and Bill...well...that's another story altogether." "Dana thought you were upset at her," Mulder murmured. "Does she know this?" "No, I haven't told her yet. She doesn't remember the details why she even joined the first place. She has an idea. Fox, it bothers me, deeply, that she doesn't remember you or her own daughter." "Why are you telling me this?" "For the future, Fox. I know that you won't believe me, but you will in time." He paused. "Even though she doesn't remember everything, I can tell that she loves you." He saw the tears in his eyes. "I know what you told the doctors about Katherine, Fox." "I don't want to harm her. I already told her that Dana's dead. Why tell her the truth?" William was going to say something until the lawyer walked in with the divorce papers. In silence, the two men walked towards Margaret and the doctor who were now joined with the lawyer. From his brief case, he took out the divorce papers. When Mulder saw them, it took all his strength to pull through. *Dana Katherine Scully Mulder versus Fox William Mulder,* Mulder read the divorce papers to himself. He closed his eyes briefly, as if reassuring himself that this was just a nightmare, and then he reopened them to face reality. *With just a stroke of the pen, Dana will be out of my life forever. I'll have to raise Katherine alone.* He signed the papers and then he put down the pen. He looked up to them, and he gave a heart wrenching groan. "Of course, you know that you won't see Dana anymore," Margaret said tauntingly. I'll make certain of that." "Maggie!" William exclaimed as he threw his wife a look. "Fox has been through enough." "I can handle myself," Mulder said with a sigh. "Just to let you know that I don't want Katherine to see any of you. It'll be too hard on her." "What are you going to do?" William asked. He cared about his now former son-in-law and he wished to God that there was something he could have done to prevent the pain that Mulder was feeling. Mulder shrugged. He didn't know what lay ahead for him and Katherine. "I don't know. I'm still going to live at the house that Dana and I shared. She wanted me to go on with my life." William nodded. "If I know my Starbuck, I know that she'll remember both of you and come back to you." "I hope you're right." Behavorial Science Unit FBI Academy Quantico, VA February 8, 1991 Mulder walked into his cubicle behind his partner, Diana Fowley, with a case file in his hands. Diana turned around as if to greet him and noticed that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. "Fox? How's Dana?" "I wouldn't know," Mulder snapped as he put the file down on his desk. He saw a concerned expression on Diana's face, and he realized what a jerk he was to snap at her. "Dana and I aren't together anymore. We divorced." "What brought that on?" Diana asked, shocked. "I talked to Dana about you last week, and she didn't say anything about a divorce. In fact, she sounded happy to me." "We were in a car accident, Diana. She has selective amnesia. She doesn't remember our marriage, our daughter, and our love. All she remembers is everything else." Diana's face grew white and muttered softly. "Oh my God." She rose from her chair and went over to her partner to give him a supportive embrace. "What are you gonna do?" "I don't know," Mulder said with a heavy sigh. His voice cracked with emotion as he contemplated her question. "I don't know what I'm going to do." He paused. "All I know is this: I still have my work. I still have my daughter, and I still have you." Diana was touched by his words. In return, she gave him a tender squeeze which told him how much she cared about him. "Where did you put the ring?" "It's now in my desk drawer at the apartment in Alexandria," Mulder replied. He watched Diana return to her desk, and he noticed she was thinking of something. "Diana?" "It's nothing. It's just a surprise that I'll tell you about later." That day arrived when Dana Scully came back to Quantico which destroyed Mulder in the process. Behavorial Science Unit FBI Academy Quantico, VA February 11, 1992 Mulder walked towards the Behavorial Science Unit in a daze. He was listless. He knew those dark circles told anyone that he couldn't sleep. It was useless for him to sleep. All he dreamt of was her. Dana. In those dreams, she told him to fight for her and for their love. As he stopped--briefly--at the elevators, he reflected on what she'd said in the dream. *You have to tell me the truth, Fox. I want you to fight for me. Don't give up on hope for us. Please have faith in me.* "It's hard to have faith when you don't remember," Mulder muttered to himself. Then he saw her in clear view. *Dana.* Scully saw him for a few seconds without recognition. She didn't know him. Then she walked towards to her office in the forensic lab without noticing the tears on Mulder's face. Diana Fowley walked towards Mulder, and she knew what had happened: he'd seen Dana. She knew it was time to show him what she'd found. FBI Building Washington DC February 11, 1992 Diana took Mulder down to the basement office despite Mulder's protestations. "I want to quit, Diana. There's nothing for me anymore. If it weren't for Katie, I would--" "Die?" Diana finished her partner's sentence. "Fox, you're not going to quit." She paused with compassion in her eyes. "Dana wouldn't wanted you to be like this." "I know," Mulder murmured softly. "What are you going to show me?" "Your future," Diana said, as she opened the door. She led Mulder inside the abandoned room. She watched him look around the file cabinets and a desk. "Why's this place my *future*?" Mulder inquired. "It's where they store the X-Files..." "The *what*?" "Cases that remain unsolved. You know, UFO sightings, alien abductions, and all the paranormal cases that the FBI doesn't want to investigate," Diana explained, as she saw Mulder's face changed from depressive to purposeful. "Are you interested in transferring to the X-Files Division?" Mulder nodded. "I need a change." He knew the X-Files would somehow change his life forever. "Will this help me get over her?" Diana looked at his hopeful, eager hazel eyes, which needed to be diverted away from the painful sight of Dana. "I hope so, Fox. I hope so." Dana Scully's Office FBI Academy Quantico, VA March 2, 1992 Scully sat in front of her computer in her office. She had been informed by Section Chief Scott Blevins that she was to meet with him on March 6 to discuss her new partnership with a fellow Special Agent named Fox Mulder. Of course, she had heard all the talk about "Spooky" from her colleagues who taught at Quantico. She didn't want to hear the rumors. She wanted to know the truth, so she typed in his name to bring up his personnel file. "His name's Fox William Mulder. His birthdate's October 13, 1961 and he's single." *How come he's so familiar to me?* Scully couldn't get the feeling that she knew him out of her mind. Her eyes drifted from her computer to a photo of her son, William, and her daughter, Danielle. The children were fraternal twins, but she didn't know who the father was. She didn't even know how she became pregnant with them in the first place. *Was I drunk? How come I don't remember?* All of those questions fluttered through her mind as she looked at the photo of her children, as she had the knowledge that they were staying with her parents while she was at work. Then she had a fleeting memory of seeing him a few years ago after coming back to Quantico from a horrible car accident. She remembered his hopeful, sad hazel eyes. Although she had this feeling of knowing him, but she couldn't place him anywhere in her memory. *It's distressing,* thought Scully. *It's like a portion of my memory has been erased. I know him, but from where?* Mulder Residence Annapolis, MD January 7, 1991 "Dana?" Mulder inquired, as he walked into their bedroom. He saw his wife sitting on the bed, studying a case file. "Melissa's here. She said that you wanted to talk to her alone." She took off her glasses and looked up to him. "It's nothing, Fox. I just wanted to tell her something." She saw him frown. "What's wrong?" Mulder drew a sigh as he was worried about his wife. He knew something was wrong, but didn't know how to express it. "You can trust me, Dana." "I know I can trust you, Fox. It's just that I'm not sure if it's a good time to tell you," Dana said with a sigh. She thought of her positive pregnancy test and bit her lip in nervousness. "I need to talk to Melissa. It's a woman to woman type thing." Mulder nodded. He gave her a small smile. "I take the hint." He wrapped his arms around his wife, and he could feel the warmth envelope them. He stroked her shoulder-length, auburn hair with a gentle touch. "I have to go, Dana, on a case. You understand, don't you?" Dana nodded. "I understand." She watched her husband leave the room, and knew that she had blown a perfect moment to tell him about the pregnancy. She drew a deep sigh, and watched as her sister walked into the room. "Dana, what's wrong?" Melissa asked, as she sat down on the bed and gave her sister a quick hug. "Is it about Katie?" "No, it's not about Katie." "Then what's wrong?" Dana frowned. "I know that I should be happy with the news." "What news?" "I'm pregnant, Missy. Fox and I will be parents in nine months." Melissa's embrace tightened and she gave her sister a tender smile. "That's wonderful, Dana! I'm so thrilled for the both of you. I hope you told him the news. He must be so happy!" She paused. "Did you tell him?" She saw her sister's frown deepen. "You didn't, did you?" Dana took a deep breath and sighed with regret. "No, I didn't tell him, Missy." "Why not?" "He's afraid of what they'll do to my career, but that's ludicrous. Nobody really knows that we're married anyway since Fox's so paranoid. He's afraid that we'll be found out or something. I want another baby, Missy." "He's going to find out, Dana. Tell him the truth." "I'm afraid to tell him. What happens if he doesn't want an another baby?" "I'm sure he does," Melissa said with a sigh. "You have to tell him the joyful news." "I know that. It's just that I'm scared to tell him the news. I know that he'd love our new baby as much as Katie...but the timing's not right." "Was the timing right when you had Katie?" Melissa inquired. "If you keep thinking that, then the timing would never be right for anything that you do." She paused. "A baby's a blessing for the both of you. It will bring Fox closer to you more than ever..." "I know." "What are you so worried about?" "I've been having nightmares for the past several weeks, Missy." "What nightmares? Is it about Katie?" Dana nodded. "And it's about Fox." Melissa's eyes grew wide with concern. "Tell me about them." She paused. "Is it a psychic dream? I remember when you dreamt of meeting a guy at a hospital which turned out to be true." Dana laughed. "I dreamt that for two weeks and it turned out to be true. I married him, didn't I?" She smiled as she remembered meeting her husband at the hospital where she interned. "Fox was at the nurses' desk inquiring about a patient who claimed to have psychic powers. I had this feeling that we'd be together forever." "At the time, you couldn't believe it," Melissa said with a smirk. "I know," Dana said with a sigh. She decided to change the subject as she thought of her daughter. "I wonder if Katherine will have the same psychic dreams." "It runs in the family, that's for sure. More likely, she'll be like Fox." Mulder Residence Annapolis, MD December 24, 1997 "Daddy?" Katherine inquired. For the past few minutes, she'd heard her father's cell phone ringing. She was dying to know who the caller was. "Can I answer it?" "No, Katie," Mulder said with a smile. He looked at his daughter's dainty face, and he saw her frown. He couldn't get over how much she looked like Dana with her long auburn hair and blue eyes. "Daddy..." "Katie, the answer's no." Mulder grabbed the still ringing cell phone, and answered, "Mulder." "Mulder, it's me." *Dana.* He knew she was in San Diego visiting her family over the holidays. "What's wrong, Scully?" "I discovered something," Scully said, stunned. "What?" Mulder asked. He was beginning to worry that her cancer might come back. "It's not the cancer, is it?" He saw his daughter look up to him with a frown as she knew that Scully was in remission. Of course, Katherine had no idea that Scully was her mother. "That's not it. Mulder, I met this little girl, Emily. Her adoptive parents were murdered. She looked so much like Melissa that I thought she was her daughter." "Is she?" "No. Emily's *my* daughter." "I'll be there as soon as I can," Mulder said with assurance. He put down his cell phone. "Katherine?" "Yes, Daddy?" "I have to go to San Diego to visit Agent Scully. I told you about her. Remember?" "Will she be my new mommy?" Katherine asked, curious. "I don't have a mommy." "Katherine, you do have a mommy. She died in a car crash when you were two years old." "What did she look like?" "She looks like you," Mulder said with a sigh. "Anyway, it's time for bed. Santa will be here any minute..." "All right, Daddy." Katherine was almost to her bed, and then stopped. She frowned. "Daddy, I don't want you to go." She hugged him tightly, and looked up to see her father's worried expression. "Why not?" "I don't want to see you get hurt, and it's Christmas." Mulder finally realized why she was territorial about him. "Katie, you have nothing to worry about. I'll be fine. You'll see. I know you're upset that I'm leaving at Christmas." "Daddy, I saw it." "Saw what?" "I don't know. Pictures of labs and green water..." "Have you been reading too many of my X-Files, Katie?" Mulder asked as he remembered telling Dana how their little girl was so much like her. Now he knew that Katherine was blessed with his insight. "I haven't read that many... Just a few." "A few?" He paused. "How many?" "Five. Aunt Samantha read me one when she was here last." "Didn't I tell you that she wasn't the real Samantha?" Katie nodded. "Yes. You told me that she was a clone who looked like her." Mulder broke apart their hug, and knew that it was past her bedtime. "We'll talk more about this later. OK? It's time for you to get to bed." "I don't want to. I'm scared." "Don't be scared, Katie. I won't be gone that long. It's only for a few days. You'll be staying with Grandma." "I always stay with Grandma," Katie said softly. "It's only when I go out of town." "I remind you of Mommy, don't I?" "What?" "I do. You told me that I look like her but you never told me her name." Mulder sighed. "Your Mommy's name was Dana Katherine--like your name but reversed." He paused as he looked at her blue eyes. "I loved her so much. It's still hard for me to talk about her." Fox Mulder's Apartment Alexandria, VA May 7, 1998 3:00 p.m. Mulder decided to tell Scully the truth about everything. She deserved to know. *Dana would have killed me for not telling her.* After the car accident, he had dreams of Dana, who told him to tell her the truth. After their "official" meeting, he decided against it. It wasn't a good time. There were several times when he wanted to tell her the truth, but something or someone always seemed to interrupt them. He saw her sitting at his desk, reading the case report on Gibson Praise. "Scully, there's something I have to tell you." Scully looked at him with interest. "Is it about Diana?" "It's about her---and you." "It's about me?" "Yes." "All right. Tell me. Before you start, I want to ask you something." "What is it?" Scully went to his desk drawer, and took out the wedding rings along with the letter. "You were married before, right?" Mulder nodded. "Yes, I was. My wife and I were in a car accident. She...she suffered from severe memory loss...and I had to divorce her." He paused. "Where did you find this?" "I found this years ago when looking for your flight number to Puerto Rico. It was in your desk drawer. I never asked you about it until now." "You should have told me then. It would have saved you from your abduction." "How would it saved me?" "It just would have saved you." "Mulder! Tell me the truth." "Did you read the inscriptions?" Scully nodded. "Only on one of them. It said, 'Fox. Forever yours. Love D.' Who's D? Diana?" "I guess you should have read the other inscription." Scully took out the smaller wedding band, and read its inscription. "Dana. Always yours. Fox." She looked up to see Mulder's smile. "I don't understand. Am I the 'Dana' in the inscription?" "Yes." "How come I don't remember any of this?" "I'll explain everything to you, Scully." "Why don't you tell me now?" Mulder was going to say something, but the phone rang. He laid down on the couch while he motioned for Scully to answer it. "Scully." He heard her answer. Scully listened to Skinner's voice on the phone. "How's Diana? Oh, that bad. I see. We knew that there might be some fall out. I understand. Sir, thanks for letting us know." She put down the phone, and turned over to Mulder. "Diana's in the hospital. She's in a coma from a gunshot wound." She noticed Mulder nodding. "Mulder, did you hear what I said?" "I'm listening." "They shut us down." "What?!" "Skinner told me that the attorney general got word, and she decided to close down the X-Files." She paused. "It was a risk to offer that man a deal. You knew that this could happen." "What else did Skinner tell you?" "There's talk of reassignment. Mulder, whatever you may think, this time they might have won." She paused as she remember what he was going to tell her. "What were you going to tell me?" "Oh, it's nothing. Never mind," Mulder said as he noticed that Scully was giving him an exasperated look. "Maybe it's not a good time to tell you?" "Mulder, you told me that I was married to you. For some reason, I don't remember. I do think I have a right to know. If you don't want to tell me as your partner, as your Scully, then tell me as your wife, Dana Mulder." He sighed. "I don't know. It's a painful memory. I don't want to tell you." He paused. "Maybe it's good that you don't remember?" "You're wrong, Mulder. I do want to remember. I can tell how you're so closed off. Is that why you told me not to call you 'Fox' - because of this?" Mulder nodded. "I felt that I needed a wall between us." Scully watched him get up from the couch and head to the kitchen. She decided to read the letter, and she recognized the handwriting. It was from her own hand. * Dear Fox, * If my nightmares are some kind of omen, * I want to make sure that we're together. I've * written several journals, letters, and I have * made two photo albums. What I would like for * you to do is to bring them with you to the * hospital. I'll look at them, and it'll jog * my memory. I need for you to do this. Please * fight for me, our marriage, and for our * daughter, Katherine. * * I love you. * * Fight for me. * * Fight for us. * * Love, * Dana Her face was lined with shock. Journals? Photo albums? Letters? She knew nothing of this. She had a daughter? *Oh my God!* Ever since finding out about Emily, she had grieved over the loss of her daughter and the loss of her ova. Mulder entered, and he could tell by the expression on Scully's face that she had read the letter. She looked up at him, a mixture of anger and incomprehension in her eyes. "Scully?" "How come you didn't tell me that we had a daughter? You knew how much I wanted children someday." "I didn't want to upset Katherine. You never remembered her. You still don't remember our marriage." "How come my mother never mentioned her to me?" "I thought that it would be best that no one from your family saw her. After the accident, I felt it was for the best." "Where's Katherine?" "I took Katie to stay with my mother while I'm working. The rest of the time Katherine lives with me in the house that you and I bought when we got married." There was one question on Scully's mind, and looked around at Mulder's sparcely furnished apartment. "How does that explain this?" Mulder looked around at his apartment and then looked at Scully. "When you decided to join the FBI in 1990, I was beginning to become paranoid about your blossoming career. I knew word would get around Quantico of how you were married to Spooky Mulder, and I didn't want to jeopardize it. We decided to rent two apartments in different cities and listed it on our FBI personnel files. We furnished both apartments, but we lived at the house that we bought in Annapolis. That's where I still live with Katherine." "I want to see Katherine, Mulder. I want to get to know her. She needs her mother. If I see her, maybe I'll remember her." "I know you want to see her, Scully. I'm sorry for not letting you see her. I had to protect her. I didn't want to see her getting hurt." "I would never hurt her, Mulder." "I know that," Mulder said with a sigh. "I felt that it was for the best to tell her that her mother died." Scully felt her eyes well with unshed tears as she felt for Katherine. Her voice was cracking with emotion. "She thought that I was dead, but why?" >From her voice wavering with sadness, Mulder knew that she cared deeply for their young daughter. "I thought it was for the best, Scully. The doctors told me that you'd never regain your memories about our marriage and about Katherine. It would have been a shock for her to find out that you didn't know her." He paused. "I wanted to spare her the pain. The doctors told me to break my ties to you. Your parents and the doctors told me to divorce you." "Mulder. It's highly unethical for doctors to tell husbands to break all ties from a wife with selective amnesia," Scully said softly. "Don't you know that?" "No." "It's morally wrong. You should have contested it," Scully said with determination in her face. She looked at Mulder, and knew how much he had suffered. "If I were you, I would have done everything in my power to contest it. The doctors had no authority in I know I would have." "I couldn't, Scully. I know that I should have but they forbade me to see her." "Her?" "Dana." "You make it sound as if I'm two people." Mulder drew a deep breath. "In a way, you are. That's how I viewed it when I found out that you'd never remember me." "You didn't give me a chance." "I did." "No, you didn't." She paused. "You could have done something." "No, I couldn't. I felt powerless. I don't know. I felt as though I lost the fight within me. I felt like I had to give up." "And you didn't bring the things that she...I had asked for?" "They wouldn't allow me to see you. They said it would cause more damage to your memory. I didn't see any hope." "It wouldn't cause any damage, Mulder." She saw the pain in his hazel eyes, and knew that she had to assure him. "I hope you know that." "I didn't at the time. They wanted me to annul the marriage, but I couldn't do that to Katherine." "My mother wanted you to annul the marriage?" Scully asked, shocked. She paused as she considered what would have happen to their daughter's status. "Katherine would have been illegitimate." "I told them that," Mulder said softly. "And?" Scully prompted. "What happened then?" "They wanted me to divorce you. The next day I signed the papers. Your parents signed in your behalf, and I felt that that I had to sign." "Why?" "Like I told you, they told me that you'd never remember us. I had to let you go. I loved you so much..." "You said loved? Is that in the past tense?" Scully asked in a low voice. "Do you still love me?" Mulder nodded. "I love you as much as I loved Dana. Over the past six years together, we fell in love with each other. We've been through so much more together as Mulder and Scully than we did as Fox and Dana." "I'm Dana." "I know that." "Do you love me as Dana or as Scully?" "Scully, you've been with me for the past six years. I owe you everything, and you owe me nothing. When I'm with you, I feel like a whole person. You're my true soul mate." "It's not Melissa Ephesian?" Scully asked, teasingly. "Of course not!" "Just checking," Scully said with a smile. "Mulder, I love you too. I had always known how much I love you, but I was so afraid that you would *debunk* me." "That I would *debunk* you?" Mulder inquired. He laughed. "That's something that I thought you would've done." His hazel eyes became serious as he thought about how he was going to tell Katherine. "Katherine..." "What about Katherine?" Scully asked. Deep within her, she knew that he wondered how he was going to tell her. "Are you afraid that she'll take the news badly?" Mulder nodded. "How do you tell your own daughter that her mother's not dead?" "I don't know, Mulder. If she's like us, she'll get through this. She's a survivor." "I hope you're right." Scully had something else on her mind. All she could think of was the paternity of her fraternal twins--the children that Mulder had never known about. "Mulder? I have a question." "What's the question?" "Was Dana...was I pregnant at the time of our car accident?" Scully asked, as she remembered the pain from not knowing how she became a mother to twins. Mulder drew a deep breath and he saw confusion on her face. "Only Dana knew." Scully's face fell. This wasn't the answer that she expected to hear. "You didn't know?" "I didn't know if Dana was pregnant at the time of our accident. If she was pregnant, wouldn't she have told me?" "I would hope so," Scully remarked. "Maybe she had her reasons." Mulder nodded. "Dana knew how much I wanted another baby. We'd talk about having a brother or sister for Katherine, and we'd been trying for a little while when..." He trailed off his sentence and then looked up at her. "There were several times when I thought that she was going to tell me, but didn't." "Why's that?" "At the time, I was worried for her career at the FBI," Mulder said with a frown. "I knew that I shouldn't have been, but I was afraid what others thought of her." He paused. "If she told me that she was pregnant, I would have been thrilled at the prospect of being a father again." "Mulder, I was pregnant at the time of the car accident." "What?" Mulder asked, shocked. Scully nodded. "After the accident, I discovered that I was pregnant with twins. I didn't know who the father was..." "We had twins?" Scully nodded. "Yes, we had twins named William and Danielle." She took out a photo of the twins from her wallet to show Mulder. "Somehow, deep within myself, I'd always known you're the father." Mulder fingered the photo of William and Danielle. He could tell from looking at William's brown hair and hazel eyes that he was the father of the twins. He looked at the back of the photo where Scully had written the names, "William Fox Scully and Danielle Melissa Scully." "Mulder?" "The names, Scully, how?" "How did I choose them? I don't know...but I found a sheet of paper which had the names on it. I still have it," she said. She watched Mulder getting out a photo of his desk drawer and handed it to her. It was a photo of the two of them when they were younger with their two year old daughter, Katherine Dana Mulder. "That's Katherine?" Mulder nodded. "That's us with Katie. That was taken shortly before our trip to Martha's Vineyard." He squinted at the photo looking at Dana, and he noticed for the first time that she did look pregnant. "You were pregnant then. Your cheeks were fuller." Scully laughed. "You had this photo for years, and you didn't notice." She calmed herself down. "Mulder, it was years ago; don't worry about it. I wish I'd told you then but I was afraid." "That was before your accident, Dana!" "You called me 'Dana,' Mulder." "I know," Mulder said with a whisper. "You're starting to remember us." End of Part Two of Four ----------------------------------------- TO START AGAIN (3/4) Written by: Erin M. Blair -------------------------------------------- Mrs. Mulder's Residence Greenwich, CT May 7, 1998 5:30 p.m. "Katie?" Mulder inquired, as he watched his daughter watching a cartoon. He nodded to Scully who walked up closer to the little girl. "There's someone that I want you to meet." Katherine looked up from the cartoon, and she noticed that her father was accompanied by a beautiful woman with shoulder-length auburn hair and blue eyes which were similar to her own. "Is this Scully, Daddy?" Scully gave Mulder a questioning look. "You told her about me?" Mulder drew a deep breath as he looked at Scully and then at their daughter. "All I told Katie was that you're my partner who takes great care of me." Katherine chimed in. "I've been wanting to meet you, Agent Scully." "Really?" Scully asked as she smiled at her. "Yes, really. Daddy talks about you all the time but he doesn't like to talk about Mommy." Scully sat down on the chair beside the little girl, and she watched Mulder and Mrs. Mulder walk into the kitchen. She knew that he was giving her the time she needed to bond with her nine year old daughter. *Mulder's right. She does look like me at that age.* "How come?" Katherine's blue eyes widened with worry. "Daddy's scared." "Why would he be scared?" "I don't know," Katherine said as she shrugged her shoulders. She was getting a little uncomfortable, but decided to change the subject. She had flashes of green liquid and a little blonde girl in her mind's eye as the memory of her father going away last Christmas flowed back into her head. "I'm sorry about Emily. Daddy told me about how you lost your little girl." "He did?" She saw Katherine nod. "Did he tell you anything else?" Katherine wasn't sure if she should tell Agent Scully everything but she did ask. "He told me how sad you were because you...can't...have children. I'm sorry. I know that it was rude." "May I call you Katie?" Scully asked, as the little girl nodded. She wanted to reassure and gain Katherine's trust as she gave her a tender hug. "Katie, I accept your apology but you did nothing wrong. I simply asked you a question and you answered me." She saw the little girl frown. "Is there something else?" "My Mommy," Katherine said as her eyes filled with sorrow. "I didn't know much about her, but I don't know if she loved me. She'll take care of Emily and love her." "I'm sure your Mommy loves you," Scully said as she watched Mulder sitting down beside her. "She still does." She saw Katherine looked at her, skeptically, with the look that she sometimes used on Mulder. "Mommy died. How could she still love me?" Katherine asked as her voice was full of sorrow. Scully's heart went out to her little daughter. "Katie, she loves you. I know she does." "No, she doesn't." Scully looked at Mulder for help getting through to her. "Mulder, can I talk to you for a second?" Mulder nodded. "Excuse us, Katie." He followed Scully into the kitchen. "What's wrong, Scully?" "I don't know how to tell her, Mulder. It was easy to tell Will and Dani about you because they didn't know who their father was but Katherine--" "I know. Katherine thinks her mother's dead," Mulder interrupted. He took a deep breath. "We have to tell her gently..." Scully nodded. "I know." She paused. "I just wish I knew how to tell her that I'm not dead and how much I love her. Mulder, she believes that I never loved her." "She knows you love her." "I wish I could believe that, Mulder." "We just have to convince her, that's all," Mulder said as he saw her eyes downcast. He knew who she was thinking about. San Diego Social Services San Diego, CA December 24, 1997 Scully sat at the table, listening intently as Mulder's recounted to the judge the events of her abduction. Mulder was there to support her petition to adopt the young girl, Emily Sim, who Scully had determined was her biological child. Her face fell when she heard her partner's voice. "If you do an examination on her, you'll find out that she's never given birth to any children," Mulder said. He knew that he'd lied, but he knew she hadn't brought forth Emily. He didn't want to look at her, and had a feeling that Scully knew he lied. With that statement, he killed Scully's right to be the biological mother of their own daughter, Katherine. Then he looked up at Scully's teary blue eyes and knew he'd made a terrible mistake. He watched as she quickly walked out of the room, and knew he had some explaining and apologizing to do. Mrs. Mulder's Residence Greenwich, CT May 7, 1998 5:50 p.m. "Maybe we shouldn't tell her the truth? After all, I'm not her mother. Dana was." With a heavy heart, Mulder knew how upset she was. He knew that he had to persuade Scully to finally tell their daughter the truth. "Scully, you're Katherine's mother. I was there when you gave birth to her." He paused. "I remember how happy we were. You're Dana." "I don't remember being your wife," Scully said softly. Her eyes started to well with tears as she confided to Mulder her frustration in not being able to remember when she was Dana Mulder. "I wish to God that I have those memories, but I don't." She paused. "Don't you know how hard it was for me not being able to remember our marriage? I don't remember even becoming pregnant twice, but the evidence is there: Katherine, William and Danielle. They're the products of our love but I wish I'd remember." Mulder pulled her close to him, and he stroked her auburn hair. "You'll remember. I know you will." "I hope so, Mulder. It's just so frustrating to have that part of my life missing and never knowing if I'll get those memories back." She paused as she noticed Katherine walking in. "Do you need your daddy for something?" Katherine nodded solemnly. Her blue eyes were misty with unshed tears as she heard them talking about her. "I need to ask Daddy something." Scully noticed her daughter was crying, and she wondered if Katherine heard the truth. "You can say it in front of me." Katherine took a deep breath. Like her parents, she had always wanted to know the truth. "Agent Scully, are you my mommy?" Scully nodded. She was astounded by Katherine's straight forward honesty to get to the point. "Yes, I'm your mommy." "How come Daddy told me that you died?" Katherine asked as she looked at her parents for the answers. "He was trying to protect you from getting hurt," Scully said with a sigh. "But why?" the little girl asked, her eyes widened at her mother. "Why would he keep you a secret?" "A secret?" Scully inquired with a questioning glance at Mulder. Katherine nodded. "Yes. A secret." "It wasn't a secret, Katie," Scully said with a sigh. "Your father protected you from me because I was suffering from amnesia." Mulder nodded. "Katie, I didn't want to cause you pain." The little girl considered what her parents were trying to tell her. Some of it was too confusing for her, especially the "A" word--amnesia. Her blue eyes widened questioningly at her mother and father. "What's amnesia?" Scully noticed Katherine's questioning look at both her and Mulder, and decided to explain the term in a simple manner. "It means I couldn't remember you or your daddy." "Oh," Katherine said with a frown. "Do you remember us now?" Scully nodded. "It took me such a long time to remember you and your father." "There's something else Katie should know," Mulder whispered to Scully. "Do you want me to tell her or should I?" "I will," Scully said with a whisper. She turned her attention towards their daughter. She wanted to tell Katherine about her sister and brother, but she was beginning to feel that the little girl needed more time to adjust. "I don't know, Mulder. The more I think about it---" "Mommy?" "Yes, Katie." Katherine had one more question. "How come you call Daddy, 'Mulder'? Daddy told me you used to call him 'Fox.'" Scully sighed. "I don't know. It's just a name I call him, Katherine." A memory seeped into her consciousness, and she finally remembered something about her daughter. "When you were born, your father wanted to name you 'Dana'..." "I did not," Mulder said with a small smile. He was delighted that she was finally being able to remember their marriage and their daughter's birth. Scully gave him a tender smile. "Yes, you did, Fox. You wanted to name her 'Dana Katherine Mulder' because she looks like me." "Daddy wanted to name me after you, Mommy?" the little girl asked. Scully nodded. "Yes, he did. We would have been very confused if he had his way. We compromised though, and I decided to name you, 'Katherine Dana Mulder.' It fitted perfectly for you." "I never knew you were the one who named me," Katherine said with a sigh. "I always thought it was Daddy." She gave her father one of her mother's patented looks. Scully stroked her daughter's auburn hair tenderly and looked into her cherubic face. "No, Katie, it was me." She paused. "There's something else I think you should know." "What?" "Do you remember when your father and I went to Martha's Vineyard for vacation?" "Not really." "After we drove away from there, we were in a car accident...and I had selective memory loss. I was pregnant at the time but I didn't tell your father. Katie, you have a sister and a brother." "Two babies?" Scully smiled. "Yes, they're twins, and they're not babies anymore. Your sister's name's Danielle Melissa and your brother's name is William Fox." Katherine looked around for the twins. "I don't see them." "William and Danielle are with my mother--your grandmother." She paused, and then spoke in a gentle tone. She felt it was too much for her daughter to comprehend everything she'd told her. "Katherine, I know it's a shock to learn I'm your mother and how you have a sister and a brother. Your father and I will do everything to make everything all right for you." "I'm fine, Mommy," Katherine said with a sigh. Scully heard Katherine using the same phrase she used on Mulder and her smile deepened. "You're my daughter all right." "That she is," Mulder said with a smile. "Katie, are you sure you're all right?" "I'm all right with it, Daddy. Everything seems to happen all at once... First I learn that Mommy's alive, and then she tells me I have a sister and a brother," Katherine said with a sigh. There were so many details for her to absorb, and she wondered how she was going to deal with it. She sighed. She gave her parents a hopeful smile to show them she's fine. "Is Mommy going to move in?" Mulder didn't know how to answer that question, and he looked at Scully, who nodded. "I think so." Katherine's blue eyes were filled with tears as she realized her family was complete. She had a Mommy and Daddy who love her, and she was going to meet William and Danielle soon. "Thank you, Daddy." "What for?" "For letting Mommy tell me the truth. Now I have both my Mommy and Daddy here with me..." Mulder Residence August 12, 1994 Annapolis, MD Katherine walked into the living room, and she noticed an X-File laying out on the coffee table. "Daddy, what's this?" Mulder was reading Scully's X-File, trying to figure out where they had taken her, when he heard his daughter's voice. "It's an X-File," Mulder explained to Katherine. His hazel eyes glistened with tears as he thought how their little girl looked so much like Dana. He missed Scully--Dana--very much, and he hoped to find her soon. "What's an X-File?" "It's for cases when we don't know what happened. They give them to me...and I solve them. At least, I try to find out the answers." "Daddy, is this about Agent Scully?" Katherine asked with curiousity. She watched her father nod solemnly. "You'll find her." "I hope so, Katie," Mulder said as he gave her a hug. "I really hope so." Northeast Georgetown Medical Center November 5, 1994 "Daddy, who are we going to meet?" Katherine asked as they walked towards the cafeteria. She knew her father wanted to see Scully, but he still wouldn't allow her to see her. "You'll see," Mulder said as he opened the door to the cafeteria. He saw Melissa Scully sitting at one of the empty tables, waiting for them. Melissa watched them walking towards her, and she was moved to see her niece. She remembered the last time she saw Katherine, the little girl was only two years old when Dana had lost the memory of her daughter and husband. After that, Mulder had told her he was cutting off all ties to the Scully family. Melissa was distraught when she found out, but she accepted it. "Katherine," she said as bent down besides her neice. "I'm your Aunt Melissa, your mommy's sister." "You're my Aunt Melissa?" Katherine inquired. She gazed at Melissa in wonderment. "Did I ever meet you before?" Melissa nodded. "The last time I saw you, you were two years old." "I don't remember," Katherine said with a sigh. She looked up at her father, who sat down at the table. She wondered how come Melissa waited so long to meet her again. "Aunt Melissa, how come you're here?" Melissa sighed. She knew Mulder didn't want Katherine to know the truth so she decided to lie a little. "Your father has been waiting for his partner to get out of a coma, and he wanted me to take care of you." *It's true. Dana's his partner. He does want me to take care of Katie,* Melissa thought as she looked at her niece's features. *It's been a long since I'd seen her. She still looks like Dana. She has the same shoulder-length auburn hair, blue eyes, and a creamy complexion as my sister does.* "Oh," Katherine said with a sigh. "He really missed her when she was gone." Mulder nodded. "Katie was my strength when she was gone. Without her, I'd be lost." "I'm...glad she's been with you. I missed seeing Katie." "I was wondering if you could take care of her for me while I visit Scully." Melissa nodded. "It's fine with me. It'll give us a chance to catch up." She watched Mulder walk into Dana's hospital room, and then her attention went to her niece. "Come on, Katie." "Will Daddy ever be all right?" "Why would you say that?" Katherine sighed. "Because." "Because why?" "Daddy's been crying at night..." "I'm sure your daddy's worried, Katie," Melissa said with a sigh. "He adores his partner so much." "Does this mean she's going to be my new Mommy?" "I don't know." Melissa and Katherine were both worried about the darkness surrounding Mulder and Scully. Mulder Residence Annapolis, MD May 9, 1998 "Close your eyes, Mommy!" Katherine exclaimed excitedly. Katherine gave her father a conspiratorial smile as they led Scully and the seven year old twins to the front steps of their house. "Or it wouldn't be a surprise." "They're closed, Katie," Scully said with a smile. She was happy her family was now reunited, and she couldn't believe how fulfilled she was. She felt both Mulder's and Katherine's hands guiding her to the steps. "Now can I open them?" "Not yet," Mulder said with a grin. He helped her walk up the steps to their house. He opened the door, and he led Scully in followed by Katherine, William, and Danielle. "Scully, *now* you can open your eyes." Scully opened her azure blue eyes and looked around the surroundings of the house. Her mind played the memories of bringing little Katherine home from the hospital, and her eyes became misty as the memories became rushing through of her life as Dana Katherine Mulder. Mrs. Fox Mulder. She turned around to face Mulder and their children. "I remember, Mulder. Fox. I remember it all." She paused. "Everything came back clearly, Fox." "Dana?" Scully nodded. "Dana." She fingered her wedding band, and sighed. "We should talk to the lawyer and tell them we contest the divorce." "And how are we going to do that?" "We'll tell the lawyer the truth," Scully said as she gave Mulder a quick kiss. "I want us to be married again." "Mommy," Danielle ran up to her mother, and she pulled her creamy white blouse. Like her older sister, she looked so much like her mother with her red-gold hair and her blue eyes. "You should see the bedrooms." "In a minute, Danielle. I'm talking to your Daddy." "Mommy, you've got to see this." Scully's smile deepened. "See what you put me through, Mulder?" "We're parents, Scully," Mulder said, as he placed his hand on her lower back to guide her through their house. He smiled as they watched William and Danielle play with Katherine. He never had this feeling of happiness coming through loud and clear. His wife and children were all reunited with him, and knowing that had brought tears to his hazel eyes. His family was reunited. And now Scully was going to contest their divorce. Mulder and Scully were going to be married once again and they are going to start again as a family. "Mulder?" He looked over to see their daughter, Danielle, coming alongside Scully. He saw her smile, and she said, "Danielle wants her daddy." "In a minute, Scully." "Are you all right?" Scully inquired with concern. She turned to their daughter. "Danielle, daddy will you see a bit later, OK?" "OK," Danielle said as she gave her parents a knowing smile. "I'll see you later, Daddy." She left them to play with Katherine and William. "Danielle and William are so happy to know you, Mulder." She paused. "Are you sure you're all right? We've been through so many changes later, and I -" "I've never felt better," Mulder said as they walked upstairs to their bedroom. He turned the knob, and he started to lift her to carry her across the threshold. "We should do this right." "Mulder," Scully said with a laugh. "I hope you don't break your back." "I won't," Mulder said as he placed her on the bed. He heard his cell phone ring and he answered it. "Mulder." "Is Scully there with you?" Skinner asked. "I was trying to call her before I called you." "She's with me...and our chil--" "Your children?" Skinner inquired. "Never mind, Mulder. We need the both of you in Dallas for a terrorist bombing at the federal building." "Today?" "The next flight you can get out. Both of you are to report to SAC Darius Michaud," Skinner said. "I'll tell Scully," Mulder said with a sigh. He said his goodbyes to Skinner and then he shut off the phone. Scully looked at Mulder with a frown as she knew it was probably Skinner informing them of the new assignment. "Tell me what?" "Skinner wants us to go to Dallas to help with the terrorist division. We'll be under SAC Darius Michaud." "What about our children?" Scully asked. "We're finally together as a family, and I don't want to leave them behind." "I know, Scully. I understand, but I know they can adjust." He looked into her deep blue eyes, and sighed. "Thank goodness for mothers. My mother will take care of them. It will give her a chance to see Danielle and William." He paused. "I hope that's ok with you." "It's fine with me, Mulder," Scully said, as she got up from the bed. She watched Mulder open the closet. "I bet you still have my old clothes in there..." Mulder nodded. He turned to face her and gave her a smile. "I never got rid of your old clothes, Scully. I thought you'd need them someday." Scully looked at the clothes that she never thought she would ever see again. "I bet." She paused. "Looks like I don't have to bring more of my clothes over here." "You could if you want. Your clothing style has changed over the years." "Really? How so?" "Scully, you're so stylish. Ever since your abduction, you became so aware of how you look." Scully didn't know what to say to Mulder's observation about herself. "I didn't know you were aware of what I wear to work every day." Mulder nodded. "I still very much aware of you." He paused. "You're beautiful to me. Don't you know that?" Scully gave him a smile, and packed some of her clothes from the drawers. "It's nice to hear you say that, Mulder." She paused. "When are we going to get married?" "After this case, we'll talk to the lawyers. I want us to be married, Dana." "Dana?" Mulder nodded. "Dana." "I guess I can call you 'Fox' - I hope you don't mind." "That was the most stupidest thing I'd ever - " Scully interrupted. "Don't worry about it, Mulder." "Since we're going to see the lawyers, I want to be known as Fox and Dana...like we used to be. Please?" "Mulder, I don't know." "Please think about it. We have a few weeks to think through this clearly, but I would like for us to start again. I love you and our children so very much, and I want us to be a family. Do you want that, Scully?" Scully's face was full of emotion as she heard those touching words from Mulder. For once, she didn't know what to say. "I want to start again, Mulder." To be continued End of Part Three of Four Parts. ----------------------------------------- TO START AGAIN Written by: Erin M. Blair -------------------------------------------- Chapel of The Gillianites Lake Tahoe, Nevada September 2, 1998 After a horrific non-X-Files case, Mulder and Scully wanted to get away from it all. They decided to go to Lake Tahoe for a relaxing weekend and try their hands at playing the slots. Now they entered a wedding chapel called Chapel of The Gillinites near the stateline between California and Nevada. Mulder leaned on Scully's shoulder and whispered into her ear. "Scully?" "What?" inquired Scully. Mulder turned to face her. He wanted to make sure they wanted the same thing. "Are you sure you want us to be married, Scully?" Scully nodded. Her blue eyes grew misty as she looked at Mulder. "I'd never been more certain of anything in my entire life, Mulder." "I know how much you wanted a big Catholic ceremony," said Mulder as he slightly frowned. "I seem to recall we had a big wedding last time," replied Scully. "This doesn't bother me." "It doesn't?" "No. I love you, Fox Mulder, and I don't care if we married in the X-Files basement!" Mulder smiled. "Well, then, let's get married." Fox and Dana Mulder's Residence Annapolis, MD May 12, 1999 "Katie?" Katherine looked up to see her mother standing in the doorway of her bedroom. "Mommy, I had a bad nightmare..." Scully walked towards her ten year old daughter and took her in her arms. She smoothed Katherine's auburn curls with her gentle hand to assuage her. "Was it about Daddy?" Katherine nodded. "Yes." She paused. "Will he ever come home?" Scully sighed. She didn't know when Mulder will be able to return. "I don't know, honey." "I miss him." "I know you do, Katie. I know he misses us like crazy." "What happened?" Scully drew a deep breath as she wondered how she was going to explain, in simple terms, what had happened. The truth was, she realized, that she didn't even know herself. "He became aware of another sense, Katie." That was the only way Scully knew how to explain it. With a questioning glance at her mother, Katherine leaned forward some more. She was very curious of what her mother had said. "What sense? You told me we can only hear, taste, smell, touch, and see things." Scully nodded. "That's right, honey. Those *are* the main senses, but apparently, your father has acquired a new one. Hearing other people in his mind." "Sort of like what happened with Gibson?" Katherine inquired. "That's right. It's exactly like what happened with Gibson." She paused. "How did you know about Gibson?" "I remember you and Daddy arguing about him," Katherine said with a shudder. "I thought..." "You thought we didn't love each other anymore," Scully said, as she remembered their talk from several months back. "You know the truth, Sweetie." "I know, but it still hurt," Katherine said with a sigh. She paused. "Can Daddy hear you in his mind?" "I'm sure he could, Katie." Katherine heard the sigh in her mother's voice, and knew she needed to tell her the truth. "Daddy loves you, Mommy. When you were gone, he missed you very, very much." Although Scully knew Mulder's love for her, she was grateful to hear it. Whenever they fought about Diana Fowley, she was always afraid he didn't love her. That he wanted out of her life. "I know he loves me," Scully said with a soft smile. She paused as she stroked her daughter's hair. "He loves you, William and Danielle very much." "I know he loves us, Mommy, but I can tell you don't really know yourself." "That's very perceptive of you, Katie." "I know." She paused. "Mommy?" Scully knew there was something else on her daughter's mind, but wondered what it could be. "What honey?" "Grandma Mulder told me when I was little how Daddy was miserable without you. He was so lost and lonely." "I didn't know." "Please Mommy... You have to believe me. I know Daddy loves you." Scully nodded. "I know he loves me, Katie." She paused. "Goodnight." "Goodnight, Mommy." Scully walked into her bedroom, and went to sleep. En Route From Martha's Vineyard Georgetown, MD February 6, 1991 "Dana, I should have driven," Mulder complained to his wife. "You know how much I love to drive." Dana gripped the wheel. She silently agreed with him; she should have let him drive especially during this sudden downfall. "I know you do, Fox." "But I'm right. I should have driven," Mulder said with a small smile. He changed the subject. "I can't wait to see Katie." "Me too. It's only been a couple of days but I miss her very much," Dana said as she turned the car to go on a road to home. She wanted to tell him her news: that she was pregnant. She was about to tell him when a car with bright headlights headed toward them, and all went black. Dana and Fox Mulder's Residence Annapolis, MD May 12, 1999 *I finally remembered the accident,* Scully said with alarm. She sat up in the bed she shared with Mulder, and her blue eyes focused on the clock radio. "7:30 in the morning." She got out of the bed, and put on her clothes. Scully's blue eyes gazed longly at the empty side of the bed where Mulder slept. She wanted to tell him her news, but she knew she couldn't. Yet. She wanted to have it out with her mother. Although Scully loved her mother dearly, she was extremely hurt she had kept Mulder and Katie away from her. She walked out the bedroom with a sense of purpose and decided to check her children. She walked to William's room, and turned the knob to open the door. "Will, it's Mommy." William heard his mother, and he opened his hazel eyes. He noticed how sad his mother looked and he wondered why. "Mommy, what's wrong?" "I miss your daddy," Scully said as she pushed back a stray brown lock of hair from her son's face. *He looks so much like his father.* "I miss him, Mommy. When's he coming home?" Scully sighed. She didn't know when Mulder would be coming home. "As soon as he can. I know he misses all of us." She changed the subject. "I'm going to visit your Grandma Scully today..." "And what about us?" "I will be taking you and your sisters to see your Uncle Charlie and Aunt Jennifer." "I guess we can play with our cousins..." Scully nodded gently. "Yes." Margaret Scully's Residence Baltimore, MD May 13, 1999 "Dana! I wasn't expecting you," said Margaret, ushering her daughter inside the house. "Your cousin, Marianna's visiting me." "Why is Marianna visiting you, Mom?" asked Scully. She followed her mother into the living room where her cousin was sitting. Marianna got up from the sofa when she saw her cousin walk in. "Hi Dana. Long time no see." "I guess you still look like my identical cousin," said Scully. She looked at her cousin's shoulder-length auburn hair and blue eyes. Marianna's facial features were very similiar to Scully's, and was an Assistant District Attorney in Baltimore. "I didn't expect to see you, Marianna. I thought you were busy with prosecuting criminals." "I was on the way to the office when I realized I hadn't seen Aunt Maggie for a few months," said Marianna. "How's that cute husband of yours?" Scully sighed. "He's fine." She paused. She wanted to talk to her mother alone. She didn't feel like having a conversation with her cousin. "Mom, I need to speak with you alone." "All right," said Margaret. She turned to face Marianna. "Will you please excuse us? This should only take a minute." "That's ok, Aunt Maggie." "Thanks Marianna," said Scully. She followed her mother to the kitchen. "What's this about, Dana? Is it about Fox?" inquired Margaret. She looked at her daughter with concern. "Is it about the children?" I remembered everything," said Scully. "I remembered the accident." She looked at her mother's startled expression. "How come you didn't tell me about Mulder and Katie when I was in the hospital?" "The doctors said it would have done some damage if -" "Don't give me that, Mom. It wouldn't have done any damage. If anything, it would have jump started my memory sooner." "You didn't remember anything when you became his partner," reminded Margaret. Scully nodded. "Mom, Mulder told me how you told him to sign legal documents to end our marriage. I wasn't given any say in the matter. If I had known this, I would have said no." "I know you would have, Dana, but you didn't know anything of Fox and Katie. If you showed any signs, we wouldn't have told him to divorce you." "Mom, he was forced to sign the divorce documents! I had always thought it was Ahab who didn't want me to join the FBI, but now my memories are crystal clear. You weren't happy I had married Mulder and had Katherine. You wanted me to be a doctor not a FBI agent." "Dana, I wanted to protect you," replied Margaret. "You know how much I love you." Scully looked at her mother and frowned. She knew her mother loved her in spite of her domineering ways. "Mom, I love you too but you kept me from finding out the truth. You could have told me that I was married to him but you didn't." She paused as her face was lined with sadness. "I've lost years of getting to know my own daughter which I'll never get back." "I'm so sorry. I should have told you, but I didn't think it would matter -" "It *did* matter," said Scully with fierce determination. "I'll talk more about this with you later but right now I'm going to try to help Mulder." * * * Georgetown Memorial Psychology Ward May 13, 1999 2:00 a.m. "I'm Special Agent Dana Scully-Mulder here to see my husband, Fox Mulder," said Scully as she flashed her badge. "He's still out of control, Agent Scully," said the doctor with a frown. "We gave him enough drugs to put him into a drug induced coma but surprisingly, it didn't." He paused. "It may not be a good idea to see him." "I know. He never bothers me." With that, Scully walked inside Mulder's room. He was laying in the bed with his hands in restraints. A pained expression flitted across her face. She watched his hazel eyes open to see her. She was a vision - an angel - before him and he thought he was still dreaming. The drugs weren't making him lucid as the thoughts were making him miserable with pain. "Scully? Is it really you?" Scully nodded. She bent over to kiss him on the lips and smiled sadly at him. "I miss you. Katie, Will, and Dani were wondering when you're coming home." "I think you know the answer to that, Scully." Mulder paused and he heard what happened in Scully's mind. "You remembered the accident." "I remembered everything, Mulder. I was about to tell you that I was pregnant again but then the accident occured." Scully paused. "I had it out with my Mom..." "And what?" "She's sorry for everything she caused. Mulder, she forced you to sign the papers. If I had never -" "I know, Scully. I know you're upset but it's all in the past. We have to move on - we can't change the past only the future." "We have to find the courage to start again, right?" "Right." Dana and Fox Mulder's Residence May 24, 1999 "I see the car, Uncle Charlie!" exclaimed a happy Danielle. Her blue eyes lighted up like a Christmas tree in May and her auburn hair shone like a bright ruby. "Mommy and Daddy are here!" "I can see you're excited about your Daddy coming home from the hospital," replied Charlie. He watched Danielle running happily towards her fraternal twin, William. "Mommy's bringing Daddy home, Will!" William nodded. "I know, Dani. You keep saying that ever since Mommy left us in charge of Uncle Charlie and Aunt Jennifer." "Does Katherine know?" inquired Danielle. "I'm sure she does but she's not sounding like a broken record like *you*, Danielle Melissa Mulder." "That would be *you*, William Fox Mulder," replied Danielle. "Will and Dani - stop arguing," replied Katherine in a hush tone. "Mommy and Daddy are coming in!" The Mulder children huddled near each other behind the chair to watch the door knob. When they saw their parents enter the foyer, they yelled, "Welcome home, Daddy!" Mulder laughed. "I'm happy to be back." Scully looked around the house to see a banner which stated, "Welcome Home, Daddy" in big, bold lettering. She turned to face Charlie and Jennifer. "Is this your doing, Charlie?" "Nope," replied Charlie. "It was Katherine but Danielle was excited all day long." "I should have guessed that, Charlie," said Scully with a smile. She turned to face the children. "They weren't that much trouble." "If you want trouble, I can send you my fifteen year old daughter, Alison." Scully laughed. "No thanks. I have enough with Mulder and Will." William shouted. "Mom!" Mulder followed Katherine into the kitchen and he noticed how withdrawn she was from all the excitement. "Katie, what's wrong?" "Nothing. I'm happy we have you back." "And I'm happy to *be* back," replied Mulder. "I know something's wrong." Katherine's eyes look downcast as she wasn't sure what to say. "I can't tell this to Mommy because we're not *that* close." "You'll be close, don't worry, Katherine." "I never had to deal with a sister and a brother before. I was alone with the exception of you, Grandma Mulder, Aunt Diana, and even Aunt Samantha. I didn't have a Mommy then but now I do. Mommy likes William and Danielle a lot better than me!" Mulder took a deep breath and sighed. "That's not true, Katie. Your Mommy loves you so much and she wishes all the time she never lost those years raising you." Scully walked in. "Mulder, I was wondering where you were." "I'm in here with Katie." Scully noticed Katherine's tear streaked face with concern and then faced her husband. "What's wrong with Katie?" "She thinks you don't love her," replied Mulder with a sigh. "I told her it wasn't true." "I think I know what's the problem, Mulder. It's those missing years we were apart." She bent down to face her daughter. "Katherine, I do love you." "You love Will and Dani better." "That's not true, Katie. You're my first born and I loved you the moment I first found out I was pregnant with you. It's true I gotten to know Will and Dani more as I raised them. You don't know how much I wanted to rewind those missing years to share them with you and your father." "But you got to know Daddy, Mommy. You didn't want to get to know me!" "Katie, that was my fault," replied Mulder. "Not your Mommy's. She didn't know anything about you. I was protecting you from getting hurt. It was wrong of me." Scully nodded. "We both love you, your sister, and your brother equally. Katherine, there's nothing we can do to erase what happened. I wish that accident never happened, but we're together now. That's what matters." She paused as she wiped the tears flowing down on her daughter's cheek. "I love you, Katie." She looked up at Mulder. "We're going to start again with new memories and our love will make us stronger than ever before." Mulder kneeled down to face his daughter. "We love you, Sweetie." He paused. "Do you understand?" Katherine nodded. "I love Mommy and Daddy." She returned the embrace to her parents. Scully smiled. "And I love you, Katherine Dana Mulder." She stroked her daughter's curls and gazed into her husband's hazel eyes. "I have my family back." William and Danielle walked into the kitchen where their parents and sister were. They saw Mulder and Scully embracing Katherine. "Hey, Danielle, a group hug!" He paused. "Mommy, Daddy, can we join in?" "Might as well," replied Mulder. He made room for the twins. He whispered to Scully. "I can get used to this." * * * Later on that night, Mulder and Scully were getting ready for bed. "Scully?" "What?" "I have something to tell you," replied Mulder. He took a deep breath. "I know you think you can't conceive - " "Mulder, what are you trying to tell me?" "Long ago, I rescued your ova when you told me you had cancer. I'm sorry I know I should have told you but the timing was never right..." "And?" "Your ova was rescued by the Lone Gunmen and myself. We placed it a fertility clinic," said Mulder. He sighed ruefully. "I know, Dana, I should have told you. I tried to tell you several times but I chickened out. If you want another baby, we can." Scully sighed. "Mulder, thanks for letting me know but three children's enough. Don't you think? Katie, Will, and Dani are a handful!" She paused. "I need to tell you something too." "You do?" Scully nodded. "Yes. Last month, I learned the doctors were wrong. I can conceive normally - I have enough ova in one ovary." Mulder's lips formed in a quick smile. "That's very good news, Dana. Someday, we'll have another baby - " "When the time's right." "Scully?" "Yes?" "I'm glad we're able to start again," replied Mulder. "You don't know how happy I am." He watched her smile deepen. Scully nodded. "I do know, Mulder. I'm very happy we're together again." "Me too," said Mulder with a yawn. He closed his eyes and went to sleep, knowing Scully would always be with him. Their love was made stronger over the trials of their life but now they were truly able to start again on a journey. A journey of hope. A journey of peace. A journey of forgiveness. Old memories will give way to new memories, made richer by the passing day. Their life will be blessed by their children and hope will spring to give them love forever. Why? They were able to start again. End of Story Part Four of Four Parts. Author's Notes: This story came to me in a dream, and I thought that it was an interesting plot to write. It got the juices flowing again. It was an enormous undertaking to figure out which episodes to feature in the story. The most problematic portion of the story was how Katherine Mulder was going to find out Dana Scully was her mother, and how I'm going to capture that scene. I decided to let Katherine overhear--she's curious--the truth. As much as I hated Diana Fowley, I wanted to explore why both Diana and Scully hated each other's guts. Both of them had their own reasons to dislike each other. I am planning on continuing "To Start Again" as series or writing stories within this universe. I truly enjoyed writing this story and I feel I have several stories for this universe so yes, there will be a "To Start Again" series! There will be a prequel and a few sequels. Special Thanks: To Carol G.: For beta reading this story. Your comments and suggestions really helped the story, and I appreciate you for taking the time to help me. To the various mailing lists I'm on: FolieADuex, Shippyfanfic, Anti-Fowley, Arsx, Sefamsrn, ErinMBlairXFFanfic, AnXFObsession, CADF, and etc. I'm very grateful for your support, dedication and encouragement for the past several months. This encouragement means so much to me. To Tanya and Joey: I would like to thank you for your continued support of my work, and I'm looking forward to write with the both of you. You're great friends! To Lisa and Rotem: Thanks for always reading my work and letting me know you love my stories. It's appreciated and welcomed. Special Dedication: This story is lovingly dedicated to an online friend, Samantha, who was the list mommy for the AnXFObsession Mailing List. She died from a battle of leukemia. She was a very good fanfic writer as well as a good friend. She supported me and my stories with great encouragement and care. I'll miss you, Samantha, and I'll always remember you. Feedback: I would like to receive positive, critical feedback so I can improve. Send to: eblair@sonic.net